The House of Netjer, a Kemetic Orthodox Temple

[PUBLIC] About the Kemetic Orthodox Religion => [PUBLIC] Kemetic Orthodox Q&A => Topic started by: Omen on January 18, 2020, 01:28:27 pm

Title: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Omen on January 18, 2020, 01:28:27 pm
You guys might remember months ago when I posted here about being unable to interact with the gods. Your guy’s advice was great, and I appreciate it. But nothing has changed.

Either the gods legitimately can’t hear me, or they don’t care. I’ve made more offerings, written things out of genuine gratitude for the one thing Ra did for me, asked if Thoth would mind me worshiping him, as he’s a god of writing and magic and I’m interested in both.

To no ones surprise I’ve gotten no response. I’m open to any sign, and nothing. That would be bearable if I wasn’t about to get evicted. Again.

I know, gods aren’t vending machines, but why would they ignore me?

Why should I bother putting in an effort when they don’t. I try and try, prayers, offerings, spells, and get absolutely nothing. I feel as if I’m trying to get my dad to pay attention to me but he ignores me. I’m not expecting riches to fall out of the sky but would a “we’re here for you while you go through this” be so hard? Ra’s interacted with me once before, I know he’s there and that he could do it again.

Literally, if they would even give me a “you’re not ready yet” it would be better than this.

To top it off, when I first started I got a coin, that was the first thing they ever did for me. Unfortunately I’ve lost it, which kind of has me convinced I’ve been abandoned.
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Tjemsy on January 18, 2020, 07:38:02 pm
Hello, friend. I am sorry to hear you are still experiencing this. Over here in camp Tjemsy, it's been radio silent for, like, two years, or something. Recently I have had some uptick in Loki activity (am also Lokean), but that has been in the last few days, and still nothing from Netjer except for vague energy tingles when saying "Kemetic Grace." And that is an improvement from the "not even vague energy tingles" that has been the longer bit of these two or however many years it's been. (I have a poor sense of time.)

So I feel you: this sucks. I have had all of the same thoughts you have. Am I not worthy of their attention? Why won't they X when they have done X before? Why not just say they're busy if they're busy, or I'm not ready if I'm not ready? Etc etc.

I still go through the motions. I am of the mind that they (probably) can hear me even if I can't hear them. I have a good friend I don't talk to much, because things get in the way. But I still regard them as my good friend, and when we do get in touch, it doesn't feel like we've lost any time. I try and think of fallow times like that. Just because I haven't heard from them doesn't mean we're not friends. It doesn't work for everyone, but it works for me. That isn't to say I don't have my moments where I'm just hurting from the lack of contact. I do. And they suck. But I'm basically running on The Power of Love, here, as silly as that sounds, and it carries me through.

I can go through the motions and take all this long-term silence because I love the absolute stuffing out of my gods. I talk to them because I like talking to them, even if I don't get a discernable answer. I give them things because I think they'd like them. Oftentimes this comes in the way of food, like I try something that I think is absolutely amazing and therefore they must try it or they're missing out, and we can't have that, can we. I don't know why I am this way. I (usually) haven't had any kind of Super Important Godly Event happen, and the few times that such has been a thing, it's usually just the one deity and not so much the other 8. And I'm about even on love for everyone, I'd say, even the ones I haven't really gotten strong responses from at all, like my Beloveds Bast & Wepwawet.

As such, I'm afraid I'm not going to be very helpful to people who are experiencing fallow times while being not me. I know that "You'll get through this! Hang in there! It'll get better!" all feels pretty ick when you're in the thick of it. So I hope I'm not making matters worse. :'D But I did want to say something.

Some reading on fallow times here:

https://thetwistedrope.wordpress.com/2012/06/19/when-the-well-runs-dry/

https://thetwistedrope.wordpress.com/2013/02/20/krt-fallow-time/

If you search Kemetic Round Table, a lot of people have written a lot of things on this topic. These are just the ones I personally remember.

Re: Thoth/Djehuty, have you considered seeking divination? Maybe that can shed some light on what's going on (or not), there.
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Nesiwepwawet on January 18, 2020, 08:06:52 pm
Either the gods legitimately can’t hear me, or they don’t care.

You and I, we have so much in common in this sentence right here. It's the statement I was screaming over and over again when I first joined the House back in 2001. I was screaming it before, during, and after my RPD, naming, Shemsu-hood, and I even went on to become a Shemsu-Ankh (a title I haven't reclaimed yet as I'm waiting on the appropriate time... everything in its time, that's what Wepwawet tells me so very often).

I felt like no one was listening... I even have chat transcripts from back then, of me pleading, practically and legitimately crying at times, that I could find no connection to the Names, to Netjer, to my newly-appointed Father, none of it. Not one shred.

I was devastated. And it became my sole, driving focus, all of the things I didn't have or couldn't achieve, where other people were left and right getting to those levels that I could not yet seem to attain. My best friend (no longer with the House now, and I haven't spoken to her in years sadly), my peers, everyone who went through Beginners class and Remetjhood and Shemsuhood with me from the beginning, they all went on to "get it", wholly and completely.

Where I was left in the dust. I didn't "get it". I didn't feel it, hear it, see it, smell it, think it, none of it. I felt... empty.

And that emptiness drove me for a lot of years -- to some pretty bad places I'm sad to say over the years.

So, if I'm here preaching all of this as a Shemsu to you, that means I must have the answer for you, right? That's why I'm here?

It's not. I want to cry out and scream into the atmosphere as loud as I can to represent how devastated I am for you that I do not have the answer. And I don't lie, and I don't exaggerate, I am sitting here in tears for the both of us. Because I wish I had have had the answers 20 years ago, and I wish I had the answers now. And I still don't.

So what can I say...

How can we help you right now, Omen? Is there anything we can do?

For example, do you want to join the Official House of Netjer discord (it's primarily text chat), to have a greater access to our daily community? There are so many active people there who I'm sure would love to chat with you. It has helped me feel closer to this community, learn new things about myself AND Netjer / the Names, and I'm sure we could have someone send you an invite!

~ Nesi
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Omen on January 18, 2020, 09:02:41 pm

   
  • I can pray for you but, more than that, I can invite you to connect more with your family (us) so that we can help you in whatever way that we can, more than just prayers, but actions and conversation, whatever we can do to help.
  • I can say that "it gets better", even if it might not seem like it right now.
  • I can ask: What do you need right now more than anything, that at least us as your family can provide?
How can we help you right now, Omen? Is there anything we can do?

For example, do you want to join the Official House of Netjer discord (it's primarily text chat), to have a greater access to our daily community? There are so many active people there who I'm sure would love to chat with you. It has helped me feel closer to this community, learn new things about myself AND Netjer / the Names, and I'm sure we could have someone send you an invite!

~ Nesi

I don’t know. I need a hug, and someone to remind me that killing myself isn’t the answer.

Maybe community would help. Maybe it’d just make it worse as I get to see people interact with their gods in minor ways while I’m probably going to lose my apartment and my cats and I cry for just a little bit of help or communication and I receive nothing.

All I want is their love and affection but why should I even bother doing anything for them. No healthy relationship strings someone along hoping for scraps.
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Nesiwepwawet on January 18, 2020, 09:52:46 pm
I don’t know. I need a hug, and someone to remind me that killing myself isn’t the answer.

Maybe community would help. Maybe it’d just make it worse as I get to see people interact with their gods in minor ways while I’m probably going to lose my apartment and my cats and I cry for just a little bit of help or communication and I receive nothing.

All I want is their love and affection but why should I even bother doing anything for them. No healthy relationship strings someone along hoping for scraps.


So many hugs for you! I wish I could do more than virtual.


It's absolutely not the answer, may Wepwawet Open the way for you to show you this is just not the answer. You don't have a strong connection to Netjer or to any of the Names, but I do, and I can tell you He wants to guide you away from that as any kind of "option". He does not have to be your Parent or even a Name you later follow but I can strongly say He wants to guide you away from that, He cares that you live your life, even if the path becomes difficult -- including really, really, really difficult.


You have SO much going on, and it helps to be able to rely on your community. I will have an administrator contact you about an invite to the server, you can decide if you'd like to join, you can join and stay, join and then leave, or you can join and just observe and never say a word. Completely up to you.

All the hardships you are going through right now, they can cloud your mind and thoughts, and it can make what was hard to begin with (a relationship with God(s)) even more difficult than it already was. And like I said, I've been there. I've been homeless, I've been abused, I've been depressed, I've been suicidal. I know it in a deep way even though of course our experiences will still be completely different. It's nearly impossible through all of these immediate physical-life hardships to hear some voice or presence of impression from Something Else entirely.


But I can tell you, Netjer has not abandoned you. We have not abandoned you, either.


~ Nesi
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Nesiwepwawet on January 18, 2020, 09:54:23 pm
Oh even better, you can go through this link:

[link provided to member but I've removed it from this post ~nesi]

You will need access to your Kemet.org account, if you do not have that access, we can find someone to assist you.


~ Nesi
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Emseneteraset on January 18, 2020, 10:28:32 pm
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Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Omen on January 18, 2020, 10:45:42 pm
Oh even better, you can go through this link:


(link removed. -Zat)


You will need access to your Kemet.org account, if you do not have that access, we can find someone to assist you.


~ Nesi
It says access denied :(
Title: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Emseneteraset on January 18, 2020, 10:52:00 pm
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Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Nesiwepwawet on January 18, 2020, 11:01:48 pm
The "access denied" just requires you to log in with your Kemet.org account (separate from your forum account). If you've never ever signed up for your kemet.org account you can sign up for a new account as well, but if you have an existing one, you can either:

a) request a new password (on that access denied page there will be a box to: log in, create new, or request password), or:

b) contact Rev Tjesi (https://www.netjer.org/forums/index.php?action=profile;u=103) who can help you out!

We'll get you in there :) It's a server for Shemsu and Remetj only so that's why you need your kemet.org login information to access the Discord link.

~ Nesi

Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Rev. Shezatwepwawet on January 19, 2020, 08:27:19 am
Em hotep everyone,

Going to step in with the mod hat here. Please do not post links to the official Discord on the public side of the forums as it is only for members of the House.
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Nesiwepwawet on January 19, 2020, 12:29:36 pm
Em hotep everyone,

Going to step in with the mod hat here. Please do not post links to the official Discord on the public side of the forums as it is only for members of the House.


Em hotep,

I posted the Kemet.org link which can only be accessed by members of the House. You can't get the link to the actual discord unless you are logged in (I thought about that before I posted it, and tested it in an incognito window to make sure you had to be logged in). So can I ask (with great and all-due respect) what the difference is?


~ Nesi
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Taji on January 19, 2020, 01:09:25 pm
Hotep!

I stand verbatim by what I said last September.  Communicating with the divine in this fashion is a concept that is overemphasized in modern paganism and it isn’t necessary. 

Also, I really genuinely think that because it is such a big concept in modern paganism, that many people attribute things to the Divine that is really only their own thoughts, wishful, thinking or fears.  Not everything that is chalked up to divine conversation really is and discernment is often lacking.  True divine communication is not as prevalent as it would seem to be, in other words. 

I don’t communicate with gods all that often.  Nor do I consider myself in a fallow time.  It just isn’t necessary for my practice.  I trust that the gods are there, love, and looking out for me.  I think the important thing in this life is the relationships we develop with other people.  The gods are eternal.  This life isn’t and taking advantage of the here and now is important.  This can be hard to hear when you’re going through a rough time and questioning the point of it all, but I think the advice to connect to the community and other people was an excellent one. 

And honestly?  The time I have really heard things from the gods?  It genuinely scared the crap out of me. I don’t hear them while awake, but I’ve met Them in lucid dreams.  It’s disconcerting as heck. They don’t act how you imagined They would.  You don’t always understand Them and you have a definite sense that this is a different brand of creature entirely.  I love the Gods.  But I genuinely don’t love communicating with Them so directly. 

I used to long for divine conversation and I realize in retrospect that what I was really wanting to do was abdicate responsibility for my life and my own choices.  To not have to go out on a limb or take risks.  To just have someone else take care of life’s uncertainties and tell me that I was loved and that everything would be okay.  Please don’t think I think that you are doing this.  I don’t know that.  But I know that I was and I know that the gods won’t serve that role.  Learning to take responsibility and ownership of one’s life and choices in the face of life’s constant uncertainty is one of the main lessons of life.  They won’t do that for us.  I needed to learn to do that.  I need to take my best shot and own it, in the knowledge that it may not work out at all.  And that through it all, Netjer has my back even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment. 

I feel like this post is really disjointed, but I’m struggling to figure out how to make it more coherent.  I do intend for it to be helpful and I apologize if it isn’t.

Senebty,

Taji

ETA: the best advice I have, aside from connecting with people, is actually mindfulness type activities, meditation, and such. And NOT with the goal of developing divine communication, but the goal of accepting What Is and knowledge of one’s own self.  Eastern type practices might be helpful.  <3
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Rev. Shezatwepwawet on January 19, 2020, 02:01:59 pm
Em hotep,

I posted the Kemet.org link which can only be accessed by members of the House. You can't get the link to the actual discord unless you are logged in (I thought about that before I posted it, and tested it in an incognito window to make sure you had to be logged in). So can I ask (with great and all-due respect) what the difference is?


~ Nesi

There is a policy of not placing members-only accessible links on the public side of the forum. Guests can't see what is in the members only side of netjer.org and kemet.org and it's not fair to them.
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Nesiwepwawet on January 19, 2020, 02:05:29 pm
Noted and understood, I've removed it from my posts but can't do anything about the quoted posts.


Senebty,
~ Nesi
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Padjaiemweru on January 19, 2020, 03:58:39 pm
I'm sorry I didn't see your post earlier...

You are not alone.
They hear you.
You are not unwanted.

Despite what appears to be the case, many people here in the temple do not get communication back from Netjer in any concrete way. Trust me, I know, I'm one of the silent many that don't. I've been here with the temple for almost 20 years, and I'm just starting, in the past few years, to occasionally get a hint of emotional connections, nothing verbal or visual (and the emotions I occassionally get seem to only be from one of my Parents, Noone else).

I know there are many others, because I have asked the "why me" question many time, in chats, on the forums, even in face to face meetings with other members and priests. Every time, the answer is that I'm not broken, I'm not wrong, I'm doing things correctly, it's just different for every person.

I am also, someone who struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. Again, you are not alone. You may PM me any time you want to to discuss this privately, if you want. Again, I have been struggling with this for about 30 years, and it took me a long time to get where I am. I'm willing to help you (or anyone else reading this) on your journey with suicidal thoughts, but just like communicating with Netjer, it's long, and different for every individual.

*hugs*

I wish there was more I could do for you, but at the least remember, you are never alone. They are always with us. Afterall, They waited almost 2000 years for the temple to be reforged, They aren't giving up on us any time soon.

You are loved, you are wanted. Don't give up.
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Yinepuemsaes on January 21, 2020, 11:54:28 am
Even if you can't hear them, they can hear you.
Title: Re: I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo
Post by: Paserutaset on January 21, 2020, 04:17:17 pm
First of all, I would like to say that Netjer is present in everyone's life, because we were created by this Power. So you can be sure that Netjer and His Names hear you, even though there are apparently no answers. Communication with the Divine is subjective, and because we are human, we often don't understand it either. During this time that I adore the Gods, I realized the importance of worshiping them and feeling their presence in this world, much more than an extremely objective and well-structured response. Gods do not always speak to me and I often have the impression that I also have a certain deviation from perceiving this communication.

Netjer loves you!
You are not alone!
Feel embraced!

Please seek help from a mental health professional, call life enhancement lines if you need to, and seek support from the people around you, this includes our community.

May Netjer bless you! May Aset be able to cover you with his wings and protect you.