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Topics - Khentesh

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1
[PUBLIC] Prayer Requests / Fighting the long night of the soul
« on: April 01, 2018, 06:07:29 pm »
Em Hotep, dear brothers and sisters and non binary siblings of the faith! (Henu)

My name is Khentesh-ib-em-Sekhmet, and I have been a Shemsu of the faith for ten years now.

In the beginning, I was very active, but in late 2010, my world collapsed and I sunk into a deep depression from which I am still recovering.

I managed to fight my way back, and I briefly returned to the forums, happy to be reunited with you all.

But family issues sunk me again, as in 2015 I was disowned by my own parents for contacting my beloved big sister, whom I had not heard from in thirty years, because my biological mother did everything she could to keep us separated.

I will not go into detail, but I can tell you that I decided to cut all ties to my biological parents, and as I went to therapy and spoke to my big brother about my parents behaviour, I fully and finally realized that I was raised by a malignantly narcissistic mother and an enabling father.
This (growing up in such an environment as well as fighting depression and anxiety and having to battle my own mother) has left it's mark on my personality and psyche, and I still am suffering from GAD (General Anxiety Disorder), panic attacks, bouts of depression, anxiety induced back pain and lack of energy.
I also suffer from severe fear of dying, and fear of the notion that there might be no life in the hereafter.

I kept in touch with my big sister, and got to know her mother and her big brother, and they welcomed me into their family with open arms and hearts, without judgement.

I got a new mother and a big brother when I reconnected with my sister, and I was very happy.

But in September last year, I began to fall again, and it began when my dear beloved sixteen year old cat Buddha was euthanised.
He was old, and tired and it was his time to go.
I had known the day would come for thirteen years, because of his diagnosis (kidney failure), but the grief still bled me out.
He died the eighth of September.

Three days later, my sister told me that our mom (not my biological mother) had been rushed to hospital and that the prognosis was very bad.
She died the fourth of October.
I tried to be there for my sister and her brother both when mom got ill and after she died, and my fear of death grew darker.

In January I turned fourty, and I hated it as I also suffer from fear of ageing.

And now, around my husband's fourtieth birthday, the sixteenth of March (his birthday reminded me of ageing once again) my sister's big brother went to hospital for scheduled open heart surgery.
He died in the night between the 23rd and 24th of March.

I was struck down again, but was determined to be there for my sister, who is now alone.
(She had lived with her brother and mother her whole life, 53 years) and she was shattered.

My sister visited us and stayed a few days, and during this time, my fear of death has grown so much that I feel almost paralyzed by it.

I am asking Wesir to help me, and I would like to ask you to please pray for me and my family.

My aim is to try and return from the state of inertia and start living again, not just functioning biologically.

I deeply long for fellowship and spiritual practice and growth, and I am angry with myself for not being able to practice Senut, and for being too drained to be active here.

Something I believe I have learned about myself these past six months is an eye opener, though, and it comforts me.

I am a daughter of
Sekhmet-Hethert, and beloved of Bast-Mut and Wesir.

It's not something I have thought about before, but now I see how this has affected me.
I'm bipolar, and the combination of Gods is a good explanation for my personality.

So I have decided to get an altar statue of Wesir.

I should have gotten such a statue long ago, but I have been hiding from the concept of death and been unable to absorb the notion of dying.

But now I think that, if the God of Death has been involved in creating me, He must love me, right?

And if He does, what have I got to be afraid of?

That's why I have decided to get His statue, so I can see Him and talk to Him, honour Him and ask Him stuff and tell Him what is on my mind, to get to know Him

My sister will help me buy His statue, and I am so happy!

Still, there's this nagging fear of dying, and it's eating away at me, and I can't stand it anymore.

So I am asking for prayers, and also for advice on how to interact with Wesir, and on how to manage my fear of death.

This was a long post, and I apologise.


Many hugs to all of you!


2
Em Hotep!  * Henu *

First of all, I would like to thank all of you who welcomed me back to the fellowship!
Your warm words truly made me happy.

Next, I have a question about the beginner's class, which I intend to take early this year.
I wrote my application and contacted Hemet (AUS) but I did not receive help with how to proceed from there.
It may be that I have misunderstood the instructions.

I waited some months, and contacted the clergy again during the summer, and was told that I could join the next beginner's class.
Again, I did not receive any information on how to join, or I once again misunderstood the information given to me.


So I ask again:

How do I join the beginner's class?
When does it start?
How do I gain access to the beginner's chat?
What time is the chat active?
How do I install the software needed to chat?


Please forgive me if my post is not appropriate here, and please contact me if you want it moved



3
[PUBLIC] Welcome! / I'm finally back, and it feels great!
« on: July 13, 2015, 06:04:04 am »
Em Hotep! *Henu*

My name is Elin Sejderuna, and I am a Shemsu from Sweden who is finally returning after about four years of absence from the House of Netjer.

As I have forgotten so much of what I learned, I signed up for the Beginners Class, and will study very ardently.

When I decided to become a Shemsu, I was divined a daughter of Sekhmet-Hethert and beloved by Bast-Mut and Wesir, my Kemetic name is Khentesh-ib-em-Sekhmet, which means "Sekhmet is Delighted".

Brought up as an atheist in a dysfunctional home, with a narcissistic mother and an enabling and avoiding father, I struggled with getting to know myself and understand the spiritual.

Having been very frightened of death and dying by my mother who flatly told me the rather unsettling biological facts about dying, and telling me that there absolutely was no such thing as an afterlife, I developed a strong anxiety linked to death and aging.

Due to the verbal abuse and crazymaking mind games I had to endure since I was about eight years old, I suffer from recurring depression and anxiety, and I sometimes have difficulties understanding people, and detect underlying meanings.

I tried to find solace in different faiths and tried to be a Christian, but it never resonated with me, and never felt real.

Later, I started studying paganism, and some years after I had found Wicca, I decided to become a Kemetic Wiccan, until I finally came home in the Kemetic Orthodox faith.

I have always loved cats, both the small domestic ones and their larger wild cousins, from the chatty Siamese and the sturdy European Shorthair to the majestic Lion, cheetah, tiger, cougar, panther and the lynx, so it came as a wonderful surprise that I was divined a daughter of Sekhmet and beloved of Bast, my two favourite Goddesses that I have been fascinated with since childhood.

I'm 37, got married at age eighteen to the love of my life, a man who is still my beloved husband.

I work as a personal assistant for my disabled husband, who was born with several genetic defects, one of them being severe anaemia which requires him to visit the hospital for transfusions every three weeks.

I have a small zoo at home, consisting of my three cats, (Maia who is a rescued cat of unknown origin, and two elderly Sacred Birmans who are brother and sister, named Buddha and Lisa)
Loke, my Belgian Shepherd Dog, my four Ball Pythons, Muffin, Crumpet, Coconut and Honey, my two Boa Constrictors Queenie and Mr Dot, a Cornsnake named Corni and four pet mice.

I enjoy reading, writing and creating art, and my hobbies are very calm and home based.

I am trying to study Russian and hieroglyphs and the language of ancient Kemet, but boy that is HARD WORK!

Some years into the future, I plan on breeding "high end" Ball Pythons in a small scale, when my snakes are older.
I cannot wait until I get to see the ball babies hatch, but since the snakes are too young, I just enjoy watching, studying and interacting with them, just as I do with all my other pets.

I do independent volunteer work which consists of saving the lives of unwanted and abandoned cats, and have had several cats live in my home until homes were found for them.

Well, that's about all I can think of right now.

I am looking forward to retaking the class, and return to Netjer, the fellowship and the faith.

Love and strength!

4
Em Hotep everyone!

It is so good to be back in my spiritual home, where I belong!

I came to the House of Netjer in November 2008, took the Beginner's class and chose to become a Shemsu when presented with the opportunity to go through the Rite of Parent Divination.
I loved being here, I enjoyed the wonderful friendships and the community, the fellowship chats and the worship.

But I fell away in 2010, not because of anything to do with Netjer or the faith, but due to depression and severe anxiety,  which has been present in my life since as long as I can remember.
In 2010, after an eight year long battle against the governmental authority which in Sweden is appointed to issue social security rights to those in need, my disabled husband lost his right to have an assistant, and with that decision, I lost my job as his handicap assistant. 
I plummeted into a darkness of the soul that I have been struggling with since.

I lost my faith, not because of the Gods not being there, but because I was too weak to care about anything else than trying to breathe, trying to force myself to get up in the morning and trying to get through the day by counting seconds.

I went to CBT therapy, started taking antidepressants and anti anxiety medicine, and I continued to fight for my husband's right to an assistant.

I became an unwilling atheist, and did not feel anything else but a grey void.
Sure, the medicine helped me cope with the most urgent need to stay alive and fight, but the energy I had before was gone.

In February this year, I could no longer stand being an atheist, and decided that I wanted nothing else than to come back to my spiritual home.

After I had decided to take up my relationship with Netjer, I began feeling better, and things started to fall into place, sadly due to my mother, whom I helped move in next to me, because of her old age and her failing health.

As time went on, and I did everything I could to help her, I realised that she was only using me, and one day, I finally realised that she is a narcissist, and all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place.

The reason for my depression and anxiety, my general anxiety disorder and my low self worth, was my upbringing in a dysfunctional home with a controlling and selfish mother and an avoiding and enabling father, a situation much graver than I had ever thought possible.
And here I was, having believed that my depression was caused by a disruption in routine!

So, here I am again, still not back in my former potential,  but healing and wanting to live again and contribute to the fellowship and the faith.

But along the way, I lost much of the knowledge that I learned when I enrolled in the beginner's class.

So I asked Hemet if I could retake it, and She gave Her approval.

I know that the class is about to begin very soon, and I am totally lost to what to do and how to begin.
I cannot remember how to access the chats, and I would like to join in the lessons sent out to email.
But I have no clue what to do.

This has been a long post, and I hope that I have posted it in the correct place.
If not, I apologise and will move it to the correct section.

Senebty

Khentesh-ib-em-Sekhmet





 

5
[PUBLIC] Welcome! / Fighting my way back
« on: November 24, 2011, 12:07:40 pm »
Em Hotep, my beloved wonderful family! *Henu*

I have been away from virtually everything a long time, battling depression after depression, the last one hitting me like a brick in the face last autumn, when my husband's social security was pulled away from under him.
I lost my mind at that time and fell deep. Very deep.
Fortunately, I have a wonderful doctor who helped me at the very last minute, prescribing mild sedatives to calm my nerves as I waited for more long-term treatment. This doctor saved my life.
Had it not been for her, I would not be writing this today.
I could not eat, went from 143.3 pounds to 99.21, could not sleep, neither stay awake.
I am happy that I was examined by a psychiatrist who told me I have GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) Depression and panic attacks. I am on medication now, Zoloft. It helps me through the day, although I'm still having difficulties coping with my negative emotions and my anxiety.
In April this year I organized a protest and march for the downtrodden ill people in Sweden who have been horribly mistreated by our right wing government. (My husband is one of these mistreated people). The left and green parties, the Muslims, the Christian church and the Catholic faction helped out, and I managed to organize the start of the protest in our city's largest church, the main cathedral in the city center.
A little over 200 people came and marched, I was interviewed by TV, the local radio and three local newspapers. I hope the protest did some good.

On Facebook, I have also helped the Middle Eastern rebels with their struggle for freedom from oppression, re-distributing videos shot by bystanders and protesters, videos that depict very disturbing images of violence, among other things, ( I don't want to write too much about that on here, it's stomach-turning)which were sent to me by the rebels (some paying with their lives to send the films), and encouraging them by chatting with them over Facebook, sending them links to sites, or bypassing their censorship by copy pasting the texts they needed, and sending it to them this way.
Eventually, that too wore me out, as I have no one to help me with my husband, and since his other handicap assistant was taken away in the beginning of last year, have only worked and worked, as I am now the only caregiver to my husband and have none to replace me and relieve the burden of work.
We also have to re-apply for help from the City commune every three to four months as opposed to before, when his case was handled by the State Health and Social Insurance Agency for the Swedish people, which was every second year. Stressful.

So, I have had to pull myself up by the hair every morning and kick myself into working, and have lost so much spirituality. I hope Sekhmet is there for me, only I have not had the strength or interest of talking to Her, nor perform the Senut. I miss it, but I have no time, nor energy to do it.
It was more than a year since I last celebrated Senut, and I wish I had the time. Sekmhet still sits on my shrine, and I often look Her way, half praying, half think-mumbling something that half makes sense. I have lost a lot of my faith, out of lack of energy and hope in the future, that it's bordering on not caring about anything, and it has been my husband who is not Kemetic Orthodox but more into AsatrĂº and atheism that has tried to encourage my faith and help me keep it (and me) alive.
When I was really down in the dirt (last Christmas) and just cried (both with stomachache and anxiety) he was the one that called me by my Kemetic name, saying that I was stronger than this, that I am the daughter of Sekhmet, and that I would pull through. I was not angry or disappointed in Netjer for what happened to us, because They are (in my opinion) not responsible for the ills of the egotism and hunger for money that drives the people of power to bleed the poor of their small income. I just lost everything, and I feel like an empty shell, just treading on without really caring or noticing.
I try each day to make the best of the waking hours, and try to live a normal life, but it is really hard sometimes.
Just writing this re-introduction took me two months to get going and go through with it, but I'm trying to manage.

I saved up enough money though, to buy my husband something he has always wanted: Two male pet rats, and a furnished habitat for them to play and romp in.
The two boys are named Bruno (he's brown) and Grey. (Yep, he's grey) and my husband loves them with his whole heart.

I hope you will understand, and welcome me again.

Love you all!

Senebty
// Khentesh-ib-em-Sekhmet (Teshi)

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