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Author Topic: Am I alone?  (Read 7451 times)

Offline Shukheperas_ankhi

  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Am I alone?
« on: July 31, 2011, 12:03:39 am »
I'm a little afraid to ask about this, because I'm afraid of the answer I suppose.  However, it's been on my mind increasingly as I browse through the threads here and read old posts.

Basically, what I want to know is, do I not belong here if I don't feel that I've ever been approached by a Neteru?  

I've spent so much of my life not believing in any god, in any spirituality - mostly because I felt that They or He or Whomever did not care at all about me.  I'll be honest - it's not as though I was just a whiny teenager who didn't get her way all the time - my father abused me my whole life.  Time and time again as I was growing up I prayed and hoped for change, hoped to be saved.  My mom and my Christianity always taught me that God only put as much on us as we could bear, and eventually I got fed up with that answer.  I felt it was too much, and I turned away from faith, from hope, from any belief in a spiritual being who would hear me.  

I'm afraid that doing so has cut me off, and that I don't belong here.  Every time I try to relax and let my mind go to see if Someone would try to reach me, all I hear is this voice inside my head telling me that even if They were there, They wouldn't care about me anyways, because I never cared about Them.  

Everyone here seems to have had interactions with their Parent(s) and Beloved(s) long before coming here.  Am I just the odd one out because I shut myself off from hearing Anyone at all?  Or does it mean that this just isn't where I belong?
Sat Khepera her Hekatawy-Alexandros (AUS)
☀️ Khepera's sunlight makes me live 🌻
meryt Djehuty her Serqet-Aset
|Discord Moderator|Sema Ka|
|Fedw Diviner|

Offline Tahotep

  • Shemsu
  • Country: us
Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2011, 12:12:59 am »
Em Hotep, Tanha!

I know exactly how you feel.  Reading your words was like reading a sum-up (with a few differences here and there) of my own life.  I was raised in a highly strict Lutheran home with Catholic background on my Mother's side.  I, like you, underwent a period of great struggle with the ideas and beliefs that some individuals hold regarding religion/Christianity, spirituality, and even the paranormal (IE--ghosts, etc).  I eventually left the home and was allowed to explore religious options outside Christian, and my world changed immensely.

That being said, I experienced very little interaction with my Parents/Beloveds before coming here, and I still get very little.  They are typically quiet--or else I just have trouble hearing them in the surrounding static of the world I live in.  However, my Mother Bast kept me awake half the night after my RPD demanding a silver bracelet I'd brought with me (with no idea why, since I hardly ever wore it), and was most pleased when She got it the next morning :)

I have a lot of trouble "hearing" Them on a regular basis though.  Part of this is my own fault--not being able to focus/feeling foolish doing this thing that I want to do but feel like I'm doing wrong.  Part of it is just my own mental blocks and tapes from my upbringing--ones that you probably have similar pairings to in your own mind.

Just because you don't hear Them doesn't mean They aren't there whispering in your ear or waiting to listen to you--even if you don't "hear" Them respond.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to drop me a PM here or note me on one of my IM names in my profile.

Senebty!

Tahotepirty
Tahotepirty
"Peace of (the) Two Eyes" or "Peaceful Two Eyes"
*****
Sat Hethert-Sekhmet her Bast, meryt Aset-Serquet her Amunet

Offline Setken

  • Country: 00
Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2011, 01:22:53 am »
Lady Tanha - I think that eventually you will find your own relationship develops with Netjer that is real and unique to you. Maybe they are there and have been all along, but the pain you have experienced has distracted you from their presence?

I think it overwhelming sometimes to look at others experiences and compare, so I don't do it. My relationship with Netjer is mine, and I know it is real.

And I believe that you will find this to be true for yourself as well, maybe with some healing, maybe with some letting go of what you think "should" happen. Either way, you have made your way here now so something is at work!

Great peace to you!


Offline Qefathethert

  • Shemsu
  • Country: 00
Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2011, 02:29:42 am »
Quote from: Setken

I think it overwhelming sometimes to look at others experiences and compare, so I don't do it.
---
And I believe that you will find this to be true for yourself as well, maybe with some healing, maybe with some letting go of what you think "should" happen. Either way, you have made your way here now so something is at work!
 


This.
Sat Hethert-Sekhmet, meryt Bast-Mut her Set.
Devoted to Khonsu

Offline Senushemi

  • Forum Moderator (Beginners' Forums)
  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2011, 02:42:33 am »
Em hotep Tanha!

I think it's safe to say that most of us don't have the kind of communication with the Netjeru as we'd like.  For example, I've had a handful of dreams with my Father, Djehuty, in them.  I've always been a cat person, and my Mother is Bast, but I didn't make the connection until my RPD.  Even more so with Sekhmet, my beloved, whom I've only heard from once that I know of.  She is patron of surgeons and I have always been interested in the medical professions (I'm currently a medical transcriptionist).  

The only contact I had at all before coming here was just one dream and I actually dreamt of Thoth, not Djehuty (although Thoth is the Greek rendering of Djehuty).  The rest was all in the early days of my Shemsuhood, about six years ago now.

If you feel you want to be here, then you should be here.  No one, including Netjer, is likely to kick you out.  We have members on these boards of all levels, from friends who just peak in on occasion, on up.  :)

Please, feel welcome, you really are.   :)
Sat Bast her Djehuty her Hekatawy Alexandros (AUS) meryt Sekhmet
Fedw Diviner for Djehuty and Bast
Self-Care Sekhmet Advocate
Proud waver of the "senu" flag.
senushemi@gmail.com

Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #5 on: July 31, 2011, 02:45:26 am »
Lady Tanha,

Due to the enormous amounts of pain and suffering I've gone through in my life, as well as allowing others to tell me where I belong and who I am (truth or not), I have lost my touch with the gods.  

I know they are there, but...  That bond I feel has been severed.  Perhaps the bond hasn't been severed, but - well, something has.  I have closed down and failed to keep up with communications and practicing talents and skills that I had or gained before.  As well, frustrated at current events both private and world-wide, my communications tend to be loud and not so nice.  

I understand the fear of not belonging; further, I have faced that darkness, and while I will not say I've come to terms with it, I have learned that life can go on.

Really, my point is to say that it's up to you.  I agree with the last part of Setken's quote: "Either way, you have made your way here now so something is at work!"  Very true words, those.

Take care of yourself,
~ Seta
"Give sorrow a Sailor smile."
~ "Makenai" by Hanazawa Kae; Sailor Moon Stars, Season 5, episode 200

"Beyond this road, running on far and long, must surely be something we can believe in."
~ "Pure Heart" by Rikki; Final Fantasy VII, "Aerith's Theme"

Offline Niheri

  • Shemsu
Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #6 on: July 31, 2011, 03:33:44 am »
Em hotep, Lady Tanha.

I think it's great that you have found your way here, and plucked up the courage to post :). Try not to worry. Netjer speaks to people in different ways. (How very dull it would be if we weren't all so different! :) ). Take your time, relax... Many of us have had years of spiritual searching. I have found my spiritual home, here. (I'm almost 49!). It took me a lot of exploring, lots of different religious beliefs, all of which had very good aspects to them, but didn't quite "fit", somehow. It's good to see you here. Wherever your journey takes you, it is good to have met you :).

Love, and Senebty,

XXXX Ni.
Daughter of Wepwawet-Yinepu

Beloved of Set and Amun-Ra.

Offline Rev. Shefyt

  • W'ab (priest)
  • Country: us
Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2011, 06:45:55 am »
Em hotep, Lady Tanha!

I feel you. Sometimes the hardest thing can be to get out of our own way. Be patient with yourself, give it time, and don't worry if you don't receive a lot of overt and dramatic communication (or even any). Netjer can be as subtle as a low breeze or a blooming flower.

Senebty,

Shefyt

Rev. Shefyt | daughter of Bast, beloved of Nut, Amun-Ra, and Wenut
Beginners Class Instructor | Heri-sesheta Bast | Divinations
Blog: Gold of the Valley, Lapis of the River

Offline Khenneferitw

  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #8 on: July 31, 2011, 03:32:22 pm »
I find it is easier for one to listen when they know where to point their ears.

You've found the House for one reason or another, so, in the words of Christ - "He who has ears, let him hear!" Or, in my less fluid words, "You're hear now, so start listening even in the places you don't expect any sound!"

Netjer will come to you in time - the time, place, and mask are of Their choosing, however, so it may be what you least expect. A Sunday morning at a Southern Baptist church, for example, is the last place I thought I'd hear Bast...

My recommendation is that, if you don't hear Them, make Them hear you. If you were siting in a cafe and saw a person taking a break from reading your favorite, if obscure, book, would you not go and start conversation? They may be divine, but that's what a relationship with Netjer is - a relationship! Start a conversation, be it with Netjer as a whole or a specific Name. They may not respond audibly. They may not respond instantly. But start talking, start honoring Them and upholding Ma'at in your daily life and They will come.

Best of luck <3 Feel free to PM me any time.
Khenne | they/them
Child of Ptah-Sokar and Wepwawet
Kemetic Humanism / New England Kemetic Organizing

Offline Shukheperas_ankhi

  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #9 on: July 31, 2011, 04:46:22 pm »
Your posts have all meant so much to me.  I know that sometimes I am my own worst enemy when it comes to reassuring myself that what I'm doing is alright.  I have no problems reassuring others, but as soon as I look to myself, I falter.  I suppose that's what poor self-esteem does to you.  :P  

I'm glad to hear that all the encouragement and support.  I haven't lost my determination to at least learn what all of this is about, and now I feel even more hopeful that I will fit here.  Thanks so much everyone.  :)
Sat Khepera her Hekatawy-Alexandros (AUS)
☀️ Khepera's sunlight makes me live 🌻
meryt Djehuty her Serqet-Aset
|Discord Moderator|Sema Ka|
|Fedw Diviner|

Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #10 on: July 31, 2011, 10:01:18 pm »
LadyTanha- same here. I said this to someone else recently:

Quote
I am not one of the "thwapped, high-contact" folks. Everything I get is very subtle and cryptic. No voices, no Road to Damascus thing where I get bopped on the head. I have been thinking about that a lot. Not that many people talk about it, because it's less interesting to say "Yeah, I got nothing today...again." than "Inepu told me to buy him a Cheese Hostesses of Mars anime Mecha action figure today."


I'm not sure if the Ancients had that much personal contact either, especially outside any initiatory rites they may have had. It would make for an interesting study.

I'm working on a blog post on that very subject.

If you ever want to talk about it, "here I am" * props open the lid of his PM box *
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 pm by Helmsman_of_Yinepu »
Kemetic Reconnaissance Blog
Shrine Beautiful Inspiring, Enchanting Sacred Spaces.
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Offline Blissi

  • Remetj
Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #11 on: August 06, 2011, 05:20:27 pm »
I want to answer in a more literal way - if you dont mind.
As you are here obviously because you've been drawn to here and the other things i wanted to say have already been said.


When i very first started out asking who my guardian angel or spirit guide - whatever name or being who was there - i constantly asked for signs but in my mind,I never got a response.
Its quite possible no body did !! because i wasnt maybe asking in the right way either. I thought that just by askin in my head I would get an answer, but I have since found that lighting a candle and talking outloud does work wonders.

Instead what happened was.. my mind gradually became attuned to signs, feelings, inner knowings and about 3 years later on my real I can not deny this has just happened feelings and experiences came about

One thing thats featured heavily for me is Feathers for messages, I dont get verbal whispers, I recieve feathers very ovbiously placed for me to see.

Initially I acknowledged them because they were white and small - thinking oooh I must have been visited by an angel ( having not really beleived it was otherwise)

Later on they became outrageously large, and bright in colour - pink, yellow, purple etc and I could not understand who was leaving them for me and what they meant

I even tried ignoring it, and they got more and more - until I had a friend who had the gift of hearing mediated a message for me and told me who it was ( Ma'at in this instance )

So, what I'm saying is, its not always obvious when your having messages given and some times theyr hard to read.. but trust that now they are there who ever they are .  
With time the communication channels will open better :)


Just try and enjoy getting to know Netjer
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 06:00:00 pm by Blissi »

Offline TadagyterRa

  • Shemsu
  • Country: ar
Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #12 on: August 19, 2011, 12:10:22 am »
I know how you feel because I felt that way for a long time, not only in KO, but as a christian as well. It's frustrating when you look around and everybody shakes or speaks in tongues or do any kind of spiritual thing and you're just there watching clueless LOL

I can't really say I've had any huge interaction with the unseen world, the only thing I'll always remember is a bit silly, but here it goes...
I used to have the same nightmares, they were always about the same thing, me inside of an old huge house being chased by... umh... ghosts? spirits? I don't know. It got creepy when Siath one day commented she was having the same kind of nightmares. Anyways, last time I dream of it, Yinepu showed up (in my dream), he hugged me and gave me a husky/gray wolf/similar little plush and said he had placed a netjeri in it to protect me ¿?
As funny as that might sound, I haven't dreamt of that house for like three years or so.

After a while, I realized that I prefer them quiet and silent because I know I'd freak out badly... but then again, that's just me.
Tadagyt-er-Ra-Heruakhety (Tadagyt or Dagyt)

Sat Ra-Heruakhety <3
Meryt Hethert-Sekhmet

Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #13 on: August 20, 2011, 11:27:55 am »
Quote from: TadagyterRa
After a while, I realized that I prefer them quiet and silent because I know I'd freak out badly... but then again, that's just me.


Very much so! I suspect that after so many thousands of years they know a thing or two about different types of people, and they adjust things accordingly.

The kind of teaching styles people respond to vary widely. The "football coach" or "Marine Drill Sarge" must work for a lot of people, but it's never worked for me.

When I think of the music teachers I've had, the ones that just said "copy me exactly" were miserable failures for me, and the ones that said "All right, if that's the way you see that passage, how are you going to convey it? Figure out a way to convince me by next week, and if it looks like it can work, we'll figure out a way to bring it to life" were the ones that moved me to higher levels.

Other people might say "Nooo, just tell me what to do!"

Maybe that's the way it works with the Netjeru?
Kemetic Reconnaissance Blog
Shrine Beautiful Inspiring, Enchanting Sacred Spaces.
Kemetic Roundtable Kemetic bloggers giving their perspectives on beginner questions.

Offline Shukheperas_ankhi

  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Re: Am I alone?
« Reply #14 on: August 22, 2011, 11:05:15 am »
Quote from: Helmsman_of_Yinepu
When I think of the music teachers I've had, the ones that just said "copy me exactly" were miserable failures for me, and the ones that said "All right, if that's the way you see that passage, how are you going to convey it? Figure out a way to convince me by next week, and if it looks like it can work, we'll figure out a way to bring it to life" were the ones that moved me to higher levels.

Other people might say "Nooo, just tell me what to do!"

Maybe that's the way it works with the Netjeru?  


I really like this idea a lot.  I do fairly well in a standardized setting, but when it comes down to it, my views on things are based on my perceptions.  Whether that is "good" or "bad" is irrelevant to me, the bottom line is that I just don't see things the way that everyone else does, nor do I want to.  I feel much better thinking that the Netjeru can fit into that viewpoint.  Many religions don't often have that sort of freedom, unless you take it yourself and stay away from organized groups.  

Thanks for the continued responses guys, it really has helped me.  :)
Sat Khepera her Hekatawy-Alexandros (AUS)
☀️ Khepera's sunlight makes me live 🌻
meryt Djehuty her Serqet-Aset
|Discord Moderator|Sema Ka|
|Fedw Diviner|

 


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