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Author Topic: Fighting my way back  (Read 4622 times)

Offline Khentesh

  • Shemsu
  • Country: se
Fighting my way back
« on: November 24, 2011, 12:07:40 pm »
Em Hotep, my beloved wonderful family! *Henu*

I have been away from virtually everything a long time, battling depression after depression, the last one hitting me like a brick in the face last autumn, when my husband's social security was pulled away from under him.
I lost my mind at that time and fell deep. Very deep.
Fortunately, I have a wonderful doctor who helped me at the very last minute, prescribing mild sedatives to calm my nerves as I waited for more long-term treatment. This doctor saved my life.
Had it not been for her, I would not be writing this today.
I could not eat, went from 143.3 pounds to 99.21, could not sleep, neither stay awake.
I am happy that I was examined by a psychiatrist who told me I have GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) Depression and panic attacks. I am on medication now, Zoloft. It helps me through the day, although I'm still having difficulties coping with my negative emotions and my anxiety.
In April this year I organized a protest and march for the downtrodden ill people in Sweden who have been horribly mistreated by our right wing government. (My husband is one of these mistreated people). The left and green parties, the Muslims, the Christian church and the Catholic faction helped out, and I managed to organize the start of the protest in our city's largest church, the main cathedral in the city center.
A little over 200 people came and marched, I was interviewed by TV, the local radio and three local newspapers. I hope the protest did some good.

On Facebook, I have also helped the Middle Eastern rebels with their struggle for freedom from oppression, re-distributing videos shot by bystanders and protesters, videos that depict very disturbing images of violence, among other things, ( I don't want to write too much about that on here, it's stomach-turning)which were sent to me by the rebels (some paying with their lives to send the films), and encouraging them by chatting with them over Facebook, sending them links to sites, or bypassing their censorship by copy pasting the texts they needed, and sending it to them this way.
Eventually, that too wore me out, as I have no one to help me with my husband, and since his other handicap assistant was taken away in the beginning of last year, have only worked and worked, as I am now the only caregiver to my husband and have none to replace me and relieve the burden of work.
We also have to re-apply for help from the City commune every three to four months as opposed to before, when his case was handled by the State Health and Social Insurance Agency for the Swedish people, which was every second year. Stressful.

So, I have had to pull myself up by the hair every morning and kick myself into working, and have lost so much spirituality. I hope Sekhmet is there for me, only I have not had the strength or interest of talking to Her, nor perform the Senut. I miss it, but I have no time, nor energy to do it.
It was more than a year since I last celebrated Senut, and I wish I had the time. Sekmhet still sits on my shrine, and I often look Her way, half praying, half think-mumbling something that half makes sense. I have lost a lot of my faith, out of lack of energy and hope in the future, that it's bordering on not caring about anything, and it has been my husband who is not Kemetic Orthodox but more into AsatrĂº and atheism that has tried to encourage my faith and help me keep it (and me) alive.
When I was really down in the dirt (last Christmas) and just cried (both with stomachache and anxiety) he was the one that called me by my Kemetic name, saying that I was stronger than this, that I am the daughter of Sekhmet, and that I would pull through. I was not angry or disappointed in Netjer for what happened to us, because They are (in my opinion) not responsible for the ills of the egotism and hunger for money that drives the people of power to bleed the poor of their small income. I just lost everything, and I feel like an empty shell, just treading on without really caring or noticing.
I try each day to make the best of the waking hours, and try to live a normal life, but it is really hard sometimes.
Just writing this re-introduction took me two months to get going and go through with it, but I'm trying to manage.

I saved up enough money though, to buy my husband something he has always wanted: Two male pet rats, and a furnished habitat for them to play and romp in.
The two boys are named Bruno (he's brown) and Grey. (Yep, he's grey) and my husband loves them with his whole heart.

I hope you will understand, and welcome me again.

Love you all!

// Khentesh-ib-em-Sekhmet (Teshi)

// Khentesh-ib-em-Sekhmet
(Sekhmet is Delighted)

Sat Sekhmet-Hethert
Meryt Bast-Mut her Wesir

Offline Linda

  • Remetj
  • Country: gb
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2011, 01:13:34 pm »
Em hotep Khentesh! *henu*
As someone who has suffered from severe depression myself, I totally understand. I'm just glad you're here with us again. Welcome back, we're all here for you.


You don't know what you can do until you try.

Offline Tanebet

  • Rev Astrid - Ordained Clergy, Semer-Wati
  • Country: 00
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2011, 01:28:50 pm »
Welcome back, Khentesh! It's great to see you again. You have been missed.
Tanebetheru "Heru's Lordship"
Sat Heru Sa Aset her Nisut (AUS), Meryt Ra-Heru-akhety her Heru-Behedety
Heri-Sesheta Heru-Sa-Aset

This is what I was born to: to live, to love, to know, to change and embrace the infinite.
Normandi Ellis: "Awakening Osiris"

Offline Menekh

  • Guest
  • Country: 00
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #3 on: November 24, 2011, 02:30:22 pm »
em hotep and welcome back!
"One does not beg the sun for mercy."
- Frank Herbert

Offline Khenneferitw

  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #4 on: November 24, 2011, 02:42:44 pm »
I empathize with you, Teshi. It's lovely to meet you and welcome back! Send me a message if you wish to talk!
Khenne | they/them
Child of Ptah-Sokar, Wepwawet, & (Hekatawy-Alexandros)|
Beloved of Bast, Sekhmet, & Set
Fedw diviner | Sau apprentice | Boston Fellowship Coordinator

Offline Itenumuti

  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #5 on: November 24, 2011, 04:04:26 pm »
Em hotep and welcome back, Teshi! It's nice to meet you; you have all my sympathy for what you've been through and are still experiencing, and my admiration for your activist efforts. I hope being back here gives you peace and strength once more. :)
Senebty, Tenu
Child of Nebt-het & Hethert-Nut
Beloved of Ma'ahes, Serqet, & Wepwawet

Offline Tarekbast

  • Shemsu
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #6 on: November 24, 2011, 05:48:00 pm »
Em hotep and welcome back Teshi!

Sat Bast
Meryt Heru-sa-Aset her Set

Offline Wenidjehuty

  • Shemsu
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #7 on: November 24, 2011, 06:56:24 pm »
Em hotep, Teshi!

Welcome back! Your story is an inspiring one of fighting back from the 'black cloud' of depression and thank you for sharing it with us. Prayers that you and your husband's situation will contine to improve.

Wenidjehuty - 'Swiftness of Djehuty'

Sa Djehuty mery Wepwawet-Yinepu

"I put the temple of Djehuty in its former condition,
I caused every rite to be as before..."
                                                                Petosiris' Tomb Inscription

Offline Sehedjef

  • Rev. Sehedjef - Ordained Clergy - Semer-Wati
  • Country: us
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #8 on: November 24, 2011, 08:12:41 pm »
Welcome back Kentesh!  ^_^
Rev. Sehedjef
(He shines with the beauty of the truth of his Mothers)
Sa Nebthet her Serqet
Mery Ptah her Tasenetnofret

Offline Aashemmuti

  • Shemsu
  • Country: 00
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #9 on: November 25, 2011, 05:05:24 am »
Em Hotep Khentesh! I think I understand something of how you may be feeling. I have recently gone through some tremendous life changes and was feeling very uncertain in my faith for a time. What a wonderful sanctuary the House is. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope to get to know you better, my sister in Sekhmet-Hethert.
Sat Sekhmet-Hethert her Bast, Meryt Shu her Sokar-Wesir.

Offline Raheri

  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #10 on: November 25, 2011, 08:43:29 am »
Em hotep and welcome back Teshi!
Son of Wesir | Heri-sesheta

"O my heart which I had from my mother,
Do not rise up agianst me as a witness in the presence of the Lord of Things;
Do not bring up anything agianst me in the presence of the Great God, Lord of the West."

Offline Petyu

  • Shemsu
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #11 on: November 25, 2011, 02:14:05 pm »
Yea and nekhtet that you came back here! This years held and still holds an infinite amount of drastic changes in all areas of life, humankind, nature, spirit world - ALL of it.

Depressions just mean that you are much more sensitive to all the things around you than is good for you in this hard, technicalized world. I'm there myself, and gee, if it hadn't been for my doc, I'd be six feet under.

You've been built incredibly tough to be standing upright still. And to speak up on all that stuff. Took me years to come back here, too. ;) You sound like a twin sister. *smirks*

Here, have a big warm hug and a welcome back.

- Petyu
Daughter of Nut and Set, Beloved of Sekhmet-Hethert, Wesir and Heru-wer

Offline Tjezaset

  • Shemsu
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #12 on: November 25, 2011, 06:48:11 pm »
Em Hotep and welcome back Teshi !
[color:indigo] TjezAset
Sat [color:blue] Aset-Serqet [/color]
Meryt [color:green] Wesir [/color] her [color:red] Sekhmet-Hethert [/color]

Offline Khentesh

  • Shemsu
  • Country: se
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #13 on: November 25, 2011, 08:15:26 pm »
Em Hotep! *Mega-henu!*

Oh, Gods, how wonderful you all are!
I don't know how to thank you enough for your kind words, your encouragement, thoughts and prayers. It strengthens me, I want you to know that!
You are all WONDERFUL! Never think or feel anything else!
To all of you who have arrived here during my absence, WELCOME, my Brothers and Sisters, my Family!!!
To you who are new here, to the Beginners, the Remetj, the Divined, the new Shemsu, all who I have not yet had the pleasure of corresponding with, Em Hotep, and a heartfelt Welcome from me!
I sincerely hope you feel at home here, and that you find fellowship, understanding and relief within the walls of the House of Netjer. You who do not yet know me, you reached out to me, welcoming me back, encouraging me! It warms my heart and fills me with joy to have the privilege to be amongst you!
And to all of you who I know from the time I was more active here, Thank you for being there for me! I am glad I finally made myself write the re-introduction! If I had not and had left it to the winds, I suppose my faith would have withered and died, but being back, receiving such a massive response, has really made me think of the immense treasure I have in you, and in this fellowship.

I love you!

Thank you SO MUCH!



// Khentesh-ib-em-Sekhmet
(Sekhmet is Delighted)

Sat Sekhmet-Hethert
Meryt Bast-Mut her Wesir

Offline Senushemi

  • Forum Moderator (Beginners' Forums)
  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Re: Fighting my way back
« Reply #14 on: November 26, 2011, 04:49:31 pm »
Teshi!! *hugs*  I'm so glad to hear from you.  Like others, I can empathize - feel free to PM/IM/e-mail any time if you'd like to talk.  
Sat Bast her Djehuty meryt Sekhmet
Fedw Diviner for Djehuty and Bast
Self-Care Sekhmet Advocate
Proud waver of the "senu" flag.


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