collapse collapse

* Donation Status

37%   Current donation status as of January 22, 2021 = $932 of $2,500 (37%)   Donate!

* User Info

 
 
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

* Who's Online

  • Dot Guests: 36
  • Dot Hidden: 0
  • Dot Users: 0

There aren't any users online.

Author Topic: A heavy heart.  (Read 9763 times)

Re: A heavy heart.
« Reply #15 on: October 04, 2014, 04:09:18 am »
Thank you again.

I'm relieved to hear that. Bad things keep happening to me and I was very afraid that it might be because I'd done something and I couldn't think what could be so bad as to deserve all that so I was getting a bit frantic with the thought that this would never, ever stop until I figured it out.

In my calmer moments it's pretty obvious that one Bad Thing happened and I've been deliberately putting myself in the way of other Bad Things ever since. I guess I'm trying to earn some kind of reward or maybe it's just because I can't stand the idea of other people feeling like this.

I'm just afraid that if the Names can see into my heart they must hate me as much as I do. I know they don't really work like that, but I'm not really firing on all cylinders right now and rationality was one of the first things that went on the blink.

Anyway, I'm sorry to trouble you. Thanks for your replies.
'To you a hero is some kind of weird sandwich...'

Offline Mehetibeminpu

  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Re: A heavy heart.
« Reply #16 on: October 04, 2014, 10:45:23 am »
Hotep,

I'm so sad to hear that you are so upset and afraid.  I wish I could take it all away from you, because I have felt that way myself and it hurts so much.  There was a time I would go to shrine and sob, begging Netjer to take the fear away from me.  I know that if it was as easy as that, They would have done.  But we have to conquer this kind of fear for ourselves.  It's not easy, as you well know, but you've taken some large steps along the path already.

Netjer is not mad at you.  There was a time I felt so unworthy of Yinepu's love and attention that I purposefully tried to make Him angry so He would leave me alone.  I tried to make Him go away from me.  He stepped back a bit, gave me some space, but I felt a warm hand on my back for the nearly a week I was able to maintain ignoring Him.  Netjer ALWAYS has your back.

They made us because They wanted us.  And They will always love us.

You hit the nail on the head when you said "I've been deliberately putting myself in the way of other Bad Things ever since."  We humans are very good at punishing ourselves.  We save Netjer all the work, They don't have to punish us at all (even if They wanted to).

I spent a lot of time in therapy over my PTSD.  And my therapist had to tell me over and over again to be nice to myself.  So that's something I'm going to pass on to you.  Be nice to yourself.  Do something nice for yourself everyday to remind you that you are worthy of love and care, because you are.

And look around you every day.  If you let yourself, you will see messages from Netjer.  Their love and help are there, we just need to see it, and you will.


Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself.  Know that you are loved by Netjer, and They will comfort you and help you.  Know that this community cares about you.  

I will keep you in my prayers, brother.


Mehet


PS on a lighter note, here's a funny skit that I think of when I'm getting too down on myself.  Sure, it's not as easy as "Stop it!", but then again, sometimes it is!     Watch here.  
« Last Edit: October 04, 2014, 10:48:56 am by Mehetibeminpu »
Sat  Yinepu/Wepwawet
Meryt Hethert/Sekhmet her Serqet/Aset
Heri-Sesheta Yinepu

Offline Ra'awyserqet

  • W'ab (priest)
  • Country: us
Re: A heavy heart.
« Reply #17 on: October 04, 2014, 05:07:31 pm »
Em hotep,

I've been thinking of you lately Privateer. Which is why I thought this; the Netjeru express their love in all kinds of ways, one of those ways is in having a support group/system. In a certain sense, I feel that they intentionally make sure you have the right people around you when you really need it. They nudge others until they are in the perfect place to do you the most good when you need it the most.

Sometimes, you just have to stop worrying about things. I know it's never that easy, but...it's a process. It's learning how not to beat yourself up over the things you can't help.

I'm not sure you've ever heard of it, but   The Four Agreements helped me start towards a more relaxed person.   This is a summary of the book and might help out if you don't want to purchase it. Going with this, doing these things, they are incredibly hard and you won't always be able to do them. But when you are doing your best and accepting that best as it, then it's easier.

I'll be praying for you.

Senebty,
Ra'awy
(They/them)

Sa Serqet-Aset her Nisut-bity Hekatawy Alexandros (aus), mery Sekhmet-Mut, Yinepu-Wepwawet, Alexandros, her Hethert-Nut-as-Nehmet-Awai.

Fedw Diviner for Serqet-Aset and Nehmet-Awai

Re: A heavy heart.
« Reply #18 on: October 22, 2014, 06:35:48 pm »
Hi,

Thanks for everything.

I'm feeling a lot better now, though a bit confused by how it all happened: I collapsed last week, spent three days in bed delirious with fever and when I 'got back', as it were, I felt like my old self.

It's all a bit weird...
'To you a hero is some kind of weird sandwich...'

Offline Ra'awyserqet

  • W'ab (priest)
  • Country: us
Re: A heavy heart.
« Reply #19 on: October 22, 2014, 09:49:23 pm »
Em hotep

It's great to hear you are doing better. :) I hope things stay exactly that way.

(They/them)

Sa Serqet-Aset her Nisut-bity Hekatawy Alexandros (aus), mery Sekhmet-Mut, Yinepu-Wepwawet, Alexandros, her Hethert-Nut-as-Nehmet-Awai.

Fedw Diviner for Serqet-Aset and Nehmet-Awai

Offline Katbast

  • Shemsu
  • Country: 00
Re: A heavy heart.
« Reply #20 on: October 22, 2014, 10:22:50 pm »
Glad you are doing better. Maybe sometimes we need to feel so overwhelmed that we just let all the negativity go? Just a thought. Hope you stay feeling like your old self :-)
Daughter of Bast, beloved of Sekhmet-Hethert and Wepwawet-Yinepu

(Bast's plan or Bast's device)

 Etsy

Offline Deswy

  • Shemsu
  • Country: us
Re: A heavy heart.
« Reply #21 on: November 22, 2014, 07:24:04 pm »
Henu, Privateer.  Heavy hearts at the scale of Anubis;  It casts fear into the bravest person.  I too, wonder about that, as I am a true believer of reincarnation.  I have had dreams of who I was since I was a child.  My heritage is of Egyptian and Armenian on my grandparents side, German/American on my Daddy's side.  I'd had dreams of Egypt all throughout my life, since I was very, very young.  In dreams I had visions, if you will, of Seti's Court, my being his youngest daughter but favored.  I met Ramesses the Great, he could not have been more than 24 to my 16 years (now remember...I was a child when I dreamed this).  In future events I had, for love, killed myself.  I was initially buried in the sand and my name erased, until my half-brother dug me up and mummified my corpse, taking out all the vital organs, including the heart, which he destroyed...in an effort, he said, to stop judgement.  Now mind you, The Book of the Dead is full of spells to ensure that you get to the Field of Reeds.  But the wicked, who's hearts are not as light as the feather of Ma'at, get eaten by Ammit, the Soul-Eater.  I think his belly leads to what we would think of as Purgatory, or in some instances Hell.

A friend of mine said we rack up "Karma Points" that we have to pick away in each successive rebirth. Do not be afraid.  The Names are here to guide us, and our hearts can always grow lighter by each passing good that we do.
DESWY "Two Knives"
Daughter of Heru-sa-Aset
Daughter of Sekhmet-Hethert
Beloved of Yinepu-Wepwawet and Amun

Offline Moral

  • Country: br
Re: A heavy heart.
« Reply #22 on: February 27, 2015, 10:12:50 pm »
I would rather think at the idea of "Restless spirit".

Offline Zaituwy

  • Shemsu
  • Country: us
Re: A heavy heart.
« Reply #23 on: February 27, 2015, 11:08:59 pm »
Em Hotep,
If you are from these recent wars so am I our Gods went to War and killed with no regret and went on through the scales. Pharaohs road into battle and were also the president of Ancient times.   Plus we have Gods of war so you can find comfort in this religious group you will make it through the scales.  Pharaohs didn't play sports but they would go to war when they had to.  I am Airman's Medal winner of the United States of America Air Force I find comfort here I know what your saying about the other religions bad feelings this one I love.  Soldiers carry on in this House. Ramses bloodline I feel was the best at War.
Senebty,
ThothEvo
Rah Infinity-Eternity Netjer

Re: A heavy heart.
« Reply #24 on: March 12, 2015, 07:25:01 am »
Em Hotep,

I wanted to put something in my view of the weighing of the heart.  The heart is weighed against truth, ma'at.  It's more my personal interpretation.   The heart must face the total truth of everything they are good and bad.  Everything they are responsible for and at fault for, good or bad.  This means to me the first judge at the weighing isn't the gods but you yourself.  I think you get eaten if you are so okay with the dark deeds that they don't bother you that you embrace the truth of darkness and won't change even though you have faced the truth of yourself. 

A mass murderer who judges themselves and goes it is good will be eaten.
A mass murderer who judges themselves and finds the horror of it and never wants to do it again, likely wouldn't be eaten.

 


* Board Stats

  • stats Total Members: 3335
  • stats Total Posts: 300145
  • stats Total Topics: 20632
  • stats Total Categories: 8
  • stats Total Boards: 119
  • stats Most Online: 955
anything