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Author Topic: Do you Gratitude?  (Read 21835 times)

Offline Maretemheqat

  • Rev Shauna - Ordained Clergy
  • Country: ca
Do you Gratitude?
« on: August 18, 2015, 12:24:24 pm »
Em Hotep!

Thank you for taking the time to read over this section. For those of you who don't know me, I am Reverend Maretemheqat, daughter of my mother Heqat. I wanted to do a short post here, about something my Mother and I have been discussing over the last little while, and Her desire to bring it to you.

She's wanting me to open up some dialogue with all of you about gratitude.

Over the last week, I began to take stock of the times I have expressed gratitude towards others, like using a simple "please" and "thank you" when a situation warrants it. As I did so, I discovered that many of the times I say "please" and "Thank you", they are often said out of ritual habit and that there is no feeling of gratitude behind them. Its become a sort of robotic autonomic response.

In reflection, I'd like to start saying these words with a bit more emotion than I have been lately, in order to make sure that the person to whom I am saying them to can genuinely hear that I mean "please" and "thank you."

I'd like to invite all of you to do the same. Take stock and count how many times you say "please" and "thank you" in a given day, and note the force of emotion behind it. Was it weak? Was it empathetic? Was it something said out of habit? Did the other person respond to you? How did they respond to you? Keep these things in the back of your mind, and see where things take you.

I'd like for people to share their experiences too, if you feel comfortable doing so. I'd like to see what things people have to say about their efforts and the responses they get, both outside and inside themselves.

Let's talk about when people on the receiving end of your gratitude are not willing to accept it, or talk about finding gratitude in the most difficult of situations.

Senebty.
Rev. Mesetibes
Sat Heqat, meryt Djehuti her Ptah her Heru-wer
Fedw Diviner
2011 Wep Ronpet Frog Princess/
W'abet Nekhen Sha'a Sha'at Imef

Offline Maretemheqat

  • Rev Shauna - Ordained Clergy
  • Country: ca
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2015, 11:54:31 am »
Em Hotep!

I held my first Gratitude chat yesterday with some of my fellow siblings of the faith, and I thought to post the notes I used here for you all to read. Hopefully these will help you on your journey towards Gratitude as well.


Importance of Gratitude- The Who, What, When, Where and Why
Who: Who can be grateful or express gratitude? Everyone can. For some its more difficult than others, but it is important to know that everyone can express their gratitude in a way they are most comfortable or familiar with. IE: Saying thank you, returning a favour, acknowledging their effort, etc.

What: What can we express our gratitude for? Pretty much anything, including tough situations. While it is difficult to express gratitude in a situation where we feel fear or anxiety, it is actually an opportunity to express gratitude for the supports in place, or being thankful for being able to take a moment to examine what made the situation happen in the first place.

When: When can you express your gratitude? Any time! At the moment it dawns on you to do so, and even later on when you remember again. Thanking a person twice is usually enough, and sometimes adding a personal touch to the thank you is always nice.

Where: Where can you express your gratitude? On paper, face to face, in a journal, to the Gods.

Why: Why do we express our gratitude? For many reasons. It makes us feel good. It helps us see the positives in bad situations and how to navigate around them. It helps us to recognize when someone else has made the effort to help us and strengthens that relationship.

How to cultivate Gratitude
Keep a gratitude journal. The journal can be as fancy or as minimal as you like, and you can jot down, daily, the things you feel grateful for.

Keep criticisms to a minimum. There is a difference between constructive feedback, and criticism. Just like complaining, and gossiping. Given Hemet’s Saq Nisut discussions on heka and Rev. Raheri’s discussions on the 42 Negative Confessions, speech is something that features prominently in our faith and lives. Giving word to negative things makes them grow. There is a difference though in acknowledging a tough situation and a complaint. Gratitude helps you to realize and recognize the difference.

Compliment someone daily. If you notice something about a person that you think looks particularly flattering, if you’ve taken notice of someone’s efforts on your behalf, if you admire the way someone handled a particularly difficult task; SAY SO. Compliment them on their ability to handle themselves under pressure. Chances are, they’ll return your gratitude by giving you a thank you.

Get involved in something you feel passionate about. When you donate your time, money or talent, you begin to see the ‘behind the scenes’ effort it takes to maintain the organization. It gives you a greater appreciation for what goes in within it. And you’re helping out. So its a win-win for everyone involved.

Practice humility with your gratitude. This might seem like a no brainer, but you’d be surprised. When you say thank you, make sure that “thank you” comes with no strings attached. Don’t say it with the expectation of being told “You’re welcome” or even getting an acknowledgement of your gratitude. Much like heka and volunteering, give your energy out, and let it go. Where it goes from there is beyond your control.

The Art of Giving a Compliment- The Do’s and Don’ts
DO- Be respectful and genuine. Fakeness and insincerity can be spotted from a mile away. When giving a compliment to someone, make sure that you are sincere in your efforts.

DO- Be specific in your compliment. Rather than a generic “That looks fantastic”, try adding something specific. What caught your eye? What do you remember most? Use that. Turn the previous statement into something like “That colour of dress really looks fantastic on you.”

DO- Mind your body language. Be engaged. Look a person in the eye. Keep your arms neutral or open.

DO- Give compliments where others can hear them. It gives validity to your statement when you compliment someone in front of others.

DON’T- Give a back-handed compliment. IE: “You look nice for a....” or telling a girl she looks pretty with make-up on gives the implication that she isn’t pretty without it or normally. NB: A'aqyt gave a really good example of a back-handed compliment in the chat. Thank you for sharing that A'aqyt!

DON’T- Make a compliment about you. The fact that you are already giving a compliment already expresses the idea that you admire someone for a skill-set you might not have. A good example? “I really like the way you handled the organization of that meeting last week. It was really well done and clear. Thank you.”   Not: “I really like the way you handled the organization of the meeting last week. I could never do that, I’m so cluttered!”

DON’T- Blow off a compliment given to you! If someone is taking the time to compliment you, they have recognized your efforts and are taking the time to do so. The appropriate response to a compliment is usually “Thank you.” No ‘Buts’ to be added. A thank you is all you need, AND it helps you express gratitude as well.

How have you been doing this week? Have you been able to express your gratitude to someone? How was it received?

Senebty!
Rev. Mesetibes
Sat Heqat, meryt Djehuti her Ptah her Heru-wer
Fedw Diviner
2011 Wep Ronpet Frog Princess/
W'abet Nekhen Sha'a Sha'at Imef

Offline Temseniaset

  • Sema Kau Bak
  • Shemsu
  • Country: us
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2015, 12:54:15 pm »
It was a wonderful chat, thank you for hosting.
Senebty
Temseniaset,
Sat Aset Serqet
Meryt Wesir Sokar, Yinepu Wepwawet, Khepra, Heru Sa Aset, Ra
Self-Care Aset Advocate, Self-Care Yinepu Keeper

Offline Awibemhethert

  • Rev Ellen, Ordained Priest - Web Assistant
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Country: us
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2015, 08:34:03 pm »
I wish I could have attended.

My experience with gratitude this week has felt very strong. Even while there have been difficulties and health issues, I have been so aware of all the support I have from known and unknown people. This support has truly touched me and I have tried my best to express my gratitude. This is very different from how I used to handle such situations. I would not have been conscious before of all the positive things that appeared. I would only have been upset. I'm not sure what affected this change.


=======
Awibemhethert
Rev Awibemhethert
Sat Hethert-Sekhmet
meryt Wesir

Self-Care Hethert Keeper

Offline Maretemheqat

  • Rev Shauna - Ordained Clergy
  • Country: ca
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2015, 11:21:51 am »
Em Hotep!

Ibi: I hope it is a welcome change? One of the things I have noticed about gratitude is that is does change the nature of...well, change. Change is often something scary and confidence draining. Because its unknown, because you have no control, because you don't know how things are going to end up, its very easy to fall into a pattern of negativity or anxiety that changes our personality. Its stress, for sure, and stress does wicked things to the mind and body.

I think because you've been more mindful of your gratitude towards others for helping you, you've been able to cultivate a good coping strategy, and have been able to find successful ways to navigate your particular situation. You've reduced your stress, which relaxes the body and eases the mind.

I hope that your situation continues to improve, and thank you for sharing about your week. :)

Senebty!
Rev. Mesetibes
Sat Heqat, meryt Djehuti her Ptah her Heru-wer
Fedw Diviner
2011 Wep Ronpet Frog Princess/
W'abet Nekhen Sha'a Sha'at Imef

Offline Awibemhethert

  • Rev Ellen, Ordained Priest - Web Assistant
  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Country: us
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2015, 12:15:16 pm »
Thank you, Rev. Maret. Yes, I think it has made a big difference to me this week, to be able to see all the things I have to be grateful for. It does make change easier for me.


=======
Awibemhethert
Rev Awibemhethert
Sat Hethert-Sekhmet
meryt Wesir

Self-Care Hethert Keeper

Offline Maretemheqat

  • Rev Shauna - Ordained Clergy
  • Country: ca
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2015, 12:17:42 am »
Em Hotep everyone,

Today was one of those days where I failed to acknowledge moments of gratitude during situations that were tough to handle. Working on the Unit was very busy today, and very sad, for various reasons. I can't go into too much detail because of PHIA (Personal Health Information Act) reasons, but suffice to say this would have been a prime opportunity to work on some of the things that were discussed in the chat.

This is not to say, however, that I cannot take a moment now to reflect on the moments where I was very thankful. I am thankful that my health has been steadily improving, as today's shift had me on my feet for most of it. I am thankful that I was able to help a bereaved family with the loss of their child, by means of a simple act of kindness- getting water, kleenex, some juice and some cookies to nibble on, when they were saying good-bye to their baby. I am thankful and humbled have been part of that process, and use it as an opportunity to see the various things that are done for these families through volunteer work. If it wasn't for volunteers, we wouldn't have had a little gown to put the baby in to send him home with. I am thankful that some of the nursing staff have a sense of humour.

Why am I sharing this? Because its important to not beat yourself up over not being on the ball with these sorts of moments. Eating your heart, so to speak. And we know from the 42 Negative Confessions, that eating your heart is not so good a thing.

So remember when you express gratitude, that its also a way of being kind to yourself.

Senebty!
Rev. Mesetibes
Sat Heqat, meryt Djehuti her Ptah her Heru-wer
Fedw Diviner
2011 Wep Ronpet Frog Princess/
W'abet Nekhen Sha'a Sha'at Imef

Offline Sarytsenuwi

  • Rev Kaitlyn, Ordained Clergy - Sema Kau Bak
  • W'ab Priest - Lay Clergy
  • Country: us
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #7 on: August 24, 2015, 11:45:12 am »
I've had some moments of gratitude lately surrounding health matters, that I'm not sure I would have recognized without this ongoing project. I've experienced gratitude for being able to better understand some of what my mother has lived through, to empathize better with her, and to give her more of what she actually needs from me because suddenly I need a portion of that for myself. I've had moments of gratitude for systems of support that I've never trusted enough to lean on (an issue of my own, not those within the support system) holding me up when suddenly I genuinely *had* to give a little. Gratitude also for what I can do, appreciating those things all the more for recognizing that there will be days when maybe I can't do what I would have liked. Gratitude for the recognition that things could be so, so very much worse, and gratitude for the perspective that health-matters have provided, that I've grown past getting upset over the little things, and the version of me who has this awareness is someone I believe I like a fair bit more than the version of me who did not.

It's a weird thing to find gratitude in illness, but a tremendously helpful one. Thank you to all who have participated in this for inspiring me to do so.
Rev. Sarytsenuwi
(Standardbearer of my Two | Porta-estandarte de meus Dois)
Sat Set her Bast | Meryt Heru-wer, Hethert-Nut, her Heqat
W'ab Nekhen Medetsen net Nekh | Fedw for Set and Bast

Offline Maretemheqat

  • Rev Shauna - Ordained Clergy
  • Country: ca
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #8 on: August 24, 2015, 12:27:28 pm »
Em Hotep Saryt,

Your experiences in matters of health are similar to my own. While not directly the same as yourself, looking back on it now has given me the opportunity to fully appreciate the issues women have surrounding their health, their reproductive health and the loss of materials that surround that.

The similarity, however, is in the loss of control that people with chronic or re-occuring illness face, along with those that require a major surgery; you are in essence getting to know your body all over again, and learning is at a later stage in the game is often far more frustrating than early on. But you are very right in the fact that the gratitude can and does come from having systems of support, but also in the understanding that you are not alone.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

Senebty!
Rev. Mesetibes
Sat Heqat, meryt Djehuti her Ptah her Heru-wer
Fedw Diviner
2011 Wep Ronpet Frog Princess/
W'abet Nekhen Sha'a Sha'at Imef

Offline Ematsen

  • Shemsu
  • Country: us
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #9 on: August 24, 2015, 09:49:56 pm »
What I've noticed in the past I've noticed even more starkly this last week - the lack of gratitude I get in return for anything. (Honestly I feel bad talking about this because I have a feeling it's not what you're going for here; and it's fine to tell me if that's so.)
This is a recurring problem that I have at home with my biological family, and with my chosen family as of late. Nothing is good enough or right enough and no matter how big it is, there is no gratitude. There's rarely even acknowledgement, and often that comes with conditions. An example being that my grandfather's office had not been touched or cleaned since he passed away 8 years ago and was becoming a junk room. A family member had been talking about wanting to clean it out - so I did it. I cleaned the whole thing out, bought organizers, put loose things in storage boxes and labelled them all neatly.
But there wasn't a single word of thanks - only complaints about the boxes, how I've made everything worse, and "well that's nice, BUT..."

and this happens all the time. Every day. Even with small things, it starts to build up. Is it wrong to be so upset that I'm not being shown gratitude, even when I'm trying extra hard to be grateful for the things they do for me?
Senuwiematsen - My Two, In Their Moment.

Sat Sekhmet-Mut her Set.
Meryt Wepwawet-Yinepu, Aset-Serqet, Heru-Wer, her Nut.

Offline Maretemheqat

  • Rev Shauna - Ordained Clergy
  • Country: ca
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #10 on: August 24, 2015, 11:55:48 pm »
Em Hotep Ematsen,

It sounds like you're in a difficult situation, and I can't provide you with many answers. The only thing I can do is ask: Are you doing these nice things because you're expecting the gratitude? Or are you doing them because they need to be done/ you want to do them? I'm not asking these questions to be mean or to start a fight, but they are questions that need to be asked.

If they are complaining, Its not wrong to ask why. Perhaps, in the case of your grandfather's room-turned-storage, the person who originally offered wanted to do it because it was a way for them to find closure with your grandfather's passing, and you doing the cleaning basically removed that choice for them?
If this is the case, what other things are you doing for people that they want to be doing themselves?

A case in point: Working with older people takes a bit of understanding in how they operate. Older people often experience a lack of control; in their health, in their choice of living arrangements, in who they see or what they do. When I work with them, I make sure to give them choices, ones that they can control. For example, offering them a choice to sit by the window or at the edge of their bed for a meal, or letting them pick out what clothing they wear for the day. Giving them that form of control helps give them a sense of dignity, involvement and value.

If you do everything for people, are they learning? Are they feeling involved in the process?

Also, what does doing everything for them really do for you? Does it pull you in many different directions? If it brings you no joy to do it, then why are you doing it?

If you're wanting to do something because it needs to be done, then let go of the need for gratitude. It may or may not happen. That's a risk you take when you do things for people. Not everyone is thankful, and not everyone will offer you their gratitude.

If they don't offer gratitude, then it might be helpful to ask why. What's the situation? Can you step back and look at it objectively and without bias? If not, then you're probably going to continue getting frustrated and eventually burn out.

When they say "Its not right", it may also mean "Its not the way -I- would do it.", which is a different issue all together.

Lastly, some people are never happy. No matter what you do.

Senebty.
Rev. Mesetibes
Sat Heqat, meryt Djehuti her Ptah her Heru-wer
Fedw Diviner
2011 Wep Ronpet Frog Princess/
W'abet Nekhen Sha'a Sha'at Imef

Offline Maretemheqat

  • Rev Shauna - Ordained Clergy
  • Country: ca
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #11 on: August 27, 2015, 12:59:20 pm »
Em Hotep everyone,

Ematsen brings up a very good point I would like to touch on today; What do you do when you do not get the Gratitude that you were expecting?

Firstly, its important to bring it up with the person. Talk to them about it. Express your feelings about why you are hurt.

Some folks would go the other route, to loudly express the words "You're welcome" when someone hasn't said thank you. This is also a common response when someone does express thanks. There have been suggestions, though, that saying "You're Welcome" is actually not as good as we originally thought. Instead, there are folks suggesting an alternative statement of:

"I know you'd do the same for me."

Its interesting to note those words, as not only does it accept the gift of the thank you that is offered, it also acknowledges that a person would do the same for you if they were in that situation. It creates a feeling of reciprocity, and establishes a relationship between two people. It indicates that neither of you are keeping score, or keeping tabs on who owes who what, but that you are both comfortable with a give and take that is present in a relationship.

It might also be helpful to ask people to pay the kinds forward if you're still bent on keeping tabs of who owes what to whom. This business of owing people doesn't normally fit into a conversation on gratitude mind you, as the purpose of doing things should not be to expect a "thank you". You should be doing things for people because:
A) They asked for your help, or
B) You genuinely want to help them.

Sometimes gratitude does require an attitude adjustment on our parts as much as it does to other people.

If people are consistently neglecting the "Thank you" when you do things for them, it might be time to stop doing those specific things, and divert your attention to someone or something that will appreciate it.

Anyway, some food for though, and thank you, Ematsen, for getting that conversation started.

Senebty!
Rev. Mesetibes
Sat Heqat, meryt Djehuti her Ptah her Heru-wer
Fedw Diviner
2011 Wep Ronpet Frog Princess/
W'abet Nekhen Sha'a Sha'at Imef

Offline Ematsen

  • Shemsu
  • Country: us
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #12 on: August 27, 2015, 10:30:06 pm »
Reverend, I appreciate how kind and thought-out your responses are. I've been in a yucky mental/emotional state the last few weeks because of family issues and an upsetting break-up, and I truly appreciate how compassionately you responded to my snotty whining.
The things I have been doing, I don't do them just to receive the gratitude, though I took a few steps back to really assess that and make sure. I do them because even though my family isn't the most supportive, they're my family and it's the right thing to do. I also enjoy the personal satisfaction I get from doing things/fixing things/etc. I just have felt very unappreciated in ALL aspects of my life recently and I couldn't find another way to express it other than, well...whining about it on the internet. :p
I'll be doing some thinking on your latest post, too, and to end this on a happy note: I am very grateful for my friend and soul-sister Heqaiitw, who's stuck with me and supported me through some really tough stuff. She deserves all the thank-you's I could ever say.
Senuwiematsen - My Two, In Their Moment.

Sat Sekhmet-Mut her Set.
Meryt Wepwawet-Yinepu, Aset-Serqet, Heru-Wer, her Nut.

Offline Maretemheqat

  • Rev Shauna - Ordained Clergy
  • Country: ca
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #13 on: August 28, 2015, 02:05:10 pm »
Em Hotep Ematsen,

You're a sibling of the Faith, and I am always working towards kindness. Thank you for taking the time to express yourself, and taking the time to explain things a little further. We all need a chance to vent every now and again, and I've found some studies that show that venting in a healthy way is actually good for us. The reason why is because it forces you to put your feelings into words. Sort of the same reason we express gratitude; by putting feelings into words. Its a form of heka, so to speak of the things bothering you is also a way to deal with them. Putting them to words makes them more manageable, and helps you break them down to figure out how to deal with them.

I am sorry that things are rough for you, and glad that you have support with Heqaiitw. Its good that you are able to step back from things to examine and re-examine where they sit in your life. That's a great skill.

Lastly, don't forget to give yourself some kindness too, ok? Its probably one of the hardest things to do, but it can very much be one of the most rewarding.

If you need to talk more, my inbox and email is always open, and my office hours are usually announced in the Shoutbox and on the Reverend Office Hours thread.

Senebty!
Rev. Mesetibes
Sat Heqat, meryt Djehuti her Ptah her Heru-wer
Fedw Diviner
2011 Wep Ronpet Frog Princess/
W'abet Nekhen Sha'a Sha'at Imef

Offline Maretemheqat

  • Rev Shauna - Ordained Clergy
  • Country: ca
Re: Do you Gratitude?
« Reply #14 on: August 31, 2015, 09:32:17 am »
Em Hotep,

The frog is not the most awake at the moment, so this post may end up rambling more often than not. Still, I have tea in hand (which I am thankful for) and I have ideas brewing in the back of my mind.

But first, I wanted to check in with all of you. How has your week been? Have you been given some opportunities to share gratitude? Would you like to share those moments?

For me, I do have a gratitude moment, which happened yesterday as my partner (Khufu) and I were driving around.

We are planning on hitting up the Minnesota Renaissance Festival again this year, and we have been talking about potentially going to Burning Man and what that would entail. While we've both done little research on the issue of Burning Man, the discussion around our previous vacations together prompted me to check in with him, as I always want to be a good travel partner with him.

He did mention to me that doing anything by flight tends to make him a little dopey and stressed out, and he has a hard time focusing on things because his mind is in multiple locations. This was actually an epiphany moment for me, as I hadn't realized that he goes through much of the same issue I do when flying. I tend to feel slightly off after a flight, despite the lack of time difference between some destinations.

We both agreed that driving was the best option if we were to do Burning Man, also because of the nature of that event in terms of its manifesto on leaving no trace behind you save for your foot prints.

This discussion made me realize how important it is when in a partnership, to check in with the other, to make sure you're both on the same page, to make sure that if one of you is having a difficult time, that the other can help pick up some of that slack until the recovery is finished. I am very thankful that I have such a good partnership with Khufu, and that we are able to talk out issues before they get too big.... unless my hormones are being evil. ;)

How about you? Can you recall anyone in your life that you have had this profound level of trust and thankfulness for? Can you recall something that they have done for you? Can you recall what you have done for them?

In the next few days, I am going to post a project, and am early awaiting to see what the results of said project is!

Have a great week everyone!

Senebty!
Rev. Mesetibes
Sat Heqat, meryt Djehuti her Ptah her Heru-wer
Fedw Diviner
2011 Wep Ronpet Frog Princess/
W'abet Nekhen Sha'a Sha'at Imef

 


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