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Author Topic: New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt  (Read 3078 times)

New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt
« on: August 17, 2017, 10:54:34 pm »
Hello!

I'm new here to the forum, and I've signed up for the next beginner's class,  which I'm super excited about! However, for now, as I begin my journey, I'm struggling with some issues, and I'm hoping that people here can help me reach a place of understanding! I'm super sorry if this post is in the wrong place!

Recently, I feel that I've been contacted by Yinepu to begin working with him or to become one of his devotees. It's super new, and alien to me, due to the fact that I've been a mostly agnostic person all my life. I've studied in Tarot and various forms of divination for over ten years, and for most of my life that's been my own personal form of spirituality, at least until Yinepu has come along.

It was like, when He came along, a lot of life events just kind of fell into place, and it really gave me a sense of inner peace that I've not had for a very long time. He feels like a parent that I never got the chance to have, and I get so much comfort in his presence.

However, I'm also struggling a lot with doubting if I actually feel his presence. I've recently established a little daily ritual with him in which I give him offerings and try to talk to him about things. Sometimes, he communicates with me too, which I can only really describe as those sort of Aha! moments one gets when reading tarot, like little flashes of insight. I'm just not used to any of this at all, and I struggle with the rational side of my mind a lot.

I sort of figure that it's like building a relationship with a person. The only way I can think to describe it, is that it sort of feels like discovering who your actual parent is, rather than the physical ones you have! But, I just struggle with wondering sometimes if perhaps I'm just making it all up, just to cope with things or something.

This has all happened incredibly fast for me, and I guess I'm just also really wanting to connect with other people, and not feel so alone in this newfound spiritual relationship and such! I hope that this doesn't come across as too weird for a first real post, and I really thank anyone who takes the time to read this!

Offline Awdjerethethert

  • Shemsu
  • Country: us
Re: New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt
« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2017, 11:44:09 pm »
Em hotep! :D

I'm just not used to any of this at all, and I struggle with the rational side of my mind a lot.

Saaaame, gurl! The rational mind is an awesome thing, but it can be a pain if you want to take a break from using it. I spent a lot of time and effort on honing rationality while rejecting my intuition; it's only been in the last couple of years that I've explored non-rational intuitive thinking. I definitely switch back and forth between modes of thought. I'm a hard agnostic in the sense that philosophically I don't think it's possible to know whether the Gods truly exist (based on my current experience--subject to change!), although I certainly live assuming they do and interact with them as though they do. But I have found that the more I experiment with different modes of thought, the easier it becomes to switch back and forth between them, and the easier it becomes to flex the intuition muscle without rationality getting in the way. You've already got a leg up because of your experience with divination; you've already got practice using your intuition in a spiritual way. That's awesome.

That said, there are polytheists who would make a rational case for polytheism. I can't really speak to that; it's not actually something I've put significant thought into. Exploring that idea might be something you would find worthwhile.


It was like, when He came along, a lot of life events just kind of fell into place, and it really gave me a sense of inner peace that I've not had for a very long time.  [...] But, I just struggle with wondering sometimes if perhaps I'm just making it all up, just to cope with things or something.

It's possible. It's also possible that you're talking to a distinct entity outside yourself who has brought you comfort and order. A hundred other explanations are also possible. ;D I've only been at this religion thing for about two years now, and I still think of it as an ongoing experiment in what could be real and possible. I think as long as you are treating the gods with respect and truthfulness (praxis), then your personal potentially-shifting beliefs (doxa) are less important.


I hope that this doesn't come across as too weird for a first real post

Not at all! You're not alone in experiencing these things. I would definitely be interested in talking to you about your experiences, or about the intersection between rationality and mystic experience, or about whatever, here or via PM. These sorts of things are interesting to me.
Awdjerethethert, a.k.a. Awdjeret. They/them pronouns, please.
Child of Hethert-Sekhmet; beloved of Tefnut and Djehuty

Offline Menqebetheru

  • Shemsu
  • Country: br
Re: New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt
« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2017, 11:53:16 pm »
Em hotep LilliumStargazer !
     
     Nice to meet you and welcome ! 
     I know what you mean when you say that Yinepu communicates with you when we communicate Netjeru with faith we feel Their response to us.
     So i think Yinepu brought you to here and i hope you like it and stay with us.
 

       Senebty !
       Anne.
 
« Last Edit: August 17, 2017, 11:54:47 pm by Annemellow2800 »
Menqebetheru - “Heru’s cool place"
Daughter of Heru-Sa-Aset
Beloved of Hethert-as-Bat And Yinepu-Wepwawet

~ I praise my Father Heru-Sa-Aset and my Beloveds Bat and Yinepu forever and eternally ~

Re: New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2017, 11:59:37 pm »
Em hotep! :D

I'm just not used to any of this at all, and I struggle with the rational side of my mind a lot.

Saaaame, gurl! The rational mind is an awesome thing, but it can be a pain if you want to take a break from using it. I spent a lot of time and effort on honing rationality while rejecting my intuition; it's only been in the last couple of years that I've explored non-rational intuitive thinking. I definitely switch back and forth between modes of thought. I'm a hard agnostic in the sense that philosophically I don't think it's possible to know whether the Gods truly exist (based on my current experience--subject to change!), although I certainly live assuming they do and interact with them as though they do. But I have found that the more I experiment with different modes of thought, the easier it becomes to switch back and forth between them, and the easier it becomes to flex the intuition muscle without rationality getting in the way. You've already got a leg up because of your experience with divination; you've already got practice using your intuition in a spiritual way. That's awesome.

That said, there are polytheists who would make a rational case for polytheism. I can't really speak to that; it's not actually something I've put significant thought into. Exploring that idea might be something you would find worthwhile.


It was like, when He came along, a lot of life events just kind of fell into place, and it really gave me a sense of inner peace that I've not had for a very long time.  [...] But, I just struggle with wondering sometimes if perhaps I'm just making it all up, just to cope with things or something.

It's possible. It's also possible that you're talking to a distinct entity outside yourself who has brought you comfort and order. A hundred other explanations are also possible. ;D I've only been at this religion thing for about two years now, and I still think of it as an ongoing experiment in what could be real and possible. I think as long as you are treating the gods with respect and truthfulness (praxis), then your personal potentially-shifting beliefs (doxa) are less important.


I hope that this doesn't come across as too weird for a first real post

Not at all! You're not alone in experiencing these things. I would definitely be interested in talking to you about your experiences, or about the intersection between rationality and mystic experience, or about whatever, here or via PM. These sorts of things are interesting to me.

Thank you so much! It means so much to hear you say these things, and I definitely relate to what you've said here! It's really a struggle to abandon the rational in favour of the spiritual! I've sent you a message as well, thank you so much!

Re: New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt
« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2017, 12:01:51 am »
Em hotep LilliumStargazer !
     
     Nice to meet you and welcome ! 
     I know what you mean when you say that Yinepu communicates with you when we communicate Netjeru with faith we feel Their response to us.
     So i think Yinepu brought you to here and i hope you like it and stay with us.
 
       Senebty !
       Anne.
 

Annemellow, what an absolutely lovely thing to say! <3

This really warms my heart, and makes me feel that I'm exactly where I need to be! I think that Yinepu has at least brought me here to learn and experience more and I'm very thankful to have this opportunity to speak with you!

Offline Teritui

  • Shemsu
  • Country: us
Re: New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt
« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2017, 09:00:25 am »
Hello!

I'm new here to the forum, and I've signed up for the next beginner's class,  which I'm super excited about! However, for now, as I begin my journey, I'm struggling with some issues, and I'm hoping that people here can help me reach a place of understanding! I'm super sorry if this post is in the wrong place!

Recently, I feel that I've been contacted by Yinepu to begin working with him or to become one of his devotees. It's super new, and alien to me, due to the fact that I've been a mostly agnostic person all my life. I've studied in Tarot and various forms of divination for over ten years, and for most of my life that's been my own personal form of spirituality, at least until Yinepu has come along.

It was like, when He came along, a lot of life events just kind of fell into place, and it really gave me a sense of inner peace that I've not had for a very long time. He feels like a parent that I never got the chance to have, and I get so much comfort in his presence.

However, I'm also struggling a lot with doubting if I actually feel his presence. I've recently established a little daily ritual with him in which I give him offerings and try to talk to him about things. Sometimes, he communicates with me too, which I can only really describe as those sort of Aha! moments one gets when reading tarot, like little flashes of insight. I'm just not used to any of this at all, and I struggle with the rational side of my mind a lot.

I sort of figure that it's like building a relationship with a person. The only way I can think to describe it, is that it sort of feels like discovering who your actual parent is, rather than the physical ones you have! But, I just struggle with wondering sometimes if perhaps I'm just making it all up, just to cope with things or something.

This has all happened incredibly fast for me, and I guess I'm just also really wanting to connect with other people, and not feel so alone in this newfound spiritual relationship and such! I hope that this doesn't come across as too weird for a first real post, and I really thank anyone who takes the time to read this!

Em hotep, Lillium!

Firstly, I'd like to say that doubt is not only healthy but completely normal. There's something that's talked about a lot in the tumblr pagan community called discernment: telling the difference between interactions with the divine and anything else. Doubt helps us keep a foot on the ground and a healthy "well, let's rule out x and y first before I start running with things".

However, what you described sounds a lot like other people's experiences with the gods. That feeling of peace you described is an interesting example: are you likely to feel that way out of nowhere? Personally, I have self-esteem issues. So when I feel love and acceptance from the gods, I'm slightly more sure it's from an outside source, because I'm not likely to feel that way about myself (sadly) or be able to conjure up that up.

I also struggle with the same things, especially when I started out. I was like you, where I had practice with tarot and had some spirituality, but I was agnostic for the longest time. I felt absolutely ridiculous the first few times I laid out offerings for Heru-wer and talked to him, haha. The rational part of my mind was looking at me like: "??? What are you doing?"

And about happening fast, I can sympathize there too. When I first decided to approach the Kemetic gods, I tried worshipping Djehuty. It wasn't too long before Heru-wer pushed the door down and told me I was to worship Him  ;D which made me feel completely out of my element. I was like: "surely this can't be true! What would a great war god want with me?"

 I hemmed and hawed and felt crazy by turns, but Heru is nothing if not direct. He sent me three dreams spread out, but still in a "row". I gave in XD.

And I get what you mean about worrying about making it up to cope with things. I was in a very dark place when Heru-wer announced Himself, and I was desperate for help.

I also get what you mean about the parental relationship- I felt much the same way about Heru-wer!

I'd also like to throw out there that it's okay to ask for a sign. Three is a number of signifigance for me, and when Wesir approached me I asked for a third dream. I got it  ;D You can ask for anything: something out in the wild, etc.

Since you're good at tarot, it's also possible to communicate with the gods that way. And hey, seeing the cards say the same thing you heard over the godphone is a wild feeling  ;D

I can't say you'll learn not to doubt, because in my experience I'd be a liar. However, I can say that as time goes on it'll be much easier to trust yourself and your intuition.

It's awesome you're forming such a positive relationship with Yinepu. I hope it continues to go well for you!

And I'm sorry for the essay and hope it didn't come off as talking too much about myself. When I was a baby pagan, a very helpful thing was hearing other people's experiences and realizing "hey, this is okay. People have felt and experienced very similar things. I'm not crazy. In fact, maybe I'm onto something great". Maybe you're different, but I figured I'd try to help the best way I know how :D
Teritui: I respect my Two Fathers
Daughter of: Ptah-Sokar-Wesir and Heru-wer
Beloved of: Sekhmet-Hethert, Set and Taweret
Sau apprentice

Re: New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt
« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2017, 02:55:12 pm »
Hello!

I'm new here to the forum, and I've signed up for the next beginner's class,  which I'm super excited about! However, for now, as I begin my journey, I'm struggling with some issues, and I'm hoping that people here can help me reach a place of understanding! I'm super sorry if this post is in the wrong place!

Recently, I feel that I've been contacted by Yinepu to begin working with him or to become one of his devotees. It's super new, and alien to me, due to the fact that I've been a mostly agnostic person all my life. I've studied in Tarot and various forms of divination for over ten years, and for most of my life that's been my own personal form of spirituality, at least until Yinepu has come along.

It was like, when He came along, a lot of life events just kind of fell into place, and it really gave me a sense of inner peace that I've not had for a very long time. He feels like a parent that I never got the chance to have, and I get so much comfort in his presence.

However, I'm also struggling a lot with doubting if I actually feel his presence. I've recently established a little daily ritual with him in which I give him offerings and try to talk to him about things. Sometimes, he communicates with me too, which I can only really describe as those sort of Aha! moments one gets when reading tarot, like little flashes of insight. I'm just not used to any of this at all, and I struggle with the rational side of my mind a lot.

I sort of figure that it's like building a relationship with a person. The only way I can think to describe it, is that it sort of feels like discovering who your actual parent is, rather than the physical ones you have! But, I just struggle with wondering sometimes if perhaps I'm just making it all up, just to cope with things or something.

This has all happened incredibly fast for me, and I guess I'm just also really wanting to connect with other people, and not feel so alone in this newfound spiritual relationship and such! I hope that this doesn't come across as too weird for a first real post, and I really thank anyone who takes the time to read this!

Em hotep, Lillium!

Firstly, I'd like to say that doubt is not only healthy but completely normal. There's something that's talked about a lot in the tumblr pagan community called discernment: telling the difference between interactions with the divine and anything else. Doubt helps us keep a foot on the ground and a healthy "well, let's rule out x and y first before I start running with things".

However, what you described sounds a lot like other people's experiences with the gods. That feeling of peace you described is an interesting example: are you likely to feel that way out of nowhere? Personally, I have self-esteem issues. So when I feel love and acceptance from the gods, I'm slightly more sure it's from an outside source, because I'm not likely to feel that way about myself (sadly) or be able to conjure up that up.

I also struggle with the same things, especially when I started out. I was like you, where I had practice with tarot and had some spirituality, but I was agnostic for the longest time. I felt absolutely ridiculous the first few times I laid out offerings for Heru-wer and talked to him, haha. The rational part of my mind was looking at me like: "??? What are you doing?"

And about happening fast, I can sympathize there too. When I first decided to approach the Kemetic gods, I tried worshipping Djehuty. It wasn't too long before Heru-wer pushed the door down and told me I was to worship Him  ;D which made me feel completely out of my element. I was like: "surely this can't be true! What would a great war god want with me?"

 I hemmed and hawed and felt crazy by turns, but Heru is nothing if not direct. He sent me three dreams spread out, but still in a "row". I gave in XD.

And I get what you mean about worrying about making it up to cope with things. I was in a very dark place when Heru-wer announced Himself, and I was desperate for help.

I also get what you mean about the parental relationship- I felt much the same way about Heru-wer!

I'd also like to throw out there that it's okay to ask for a sign. Three is a number of signifigance for me, and when Wesir approached me I asked for a third dream. I got it  ;D You can ask for anything: something out in the wild, etc.

Since you're good at tarot, it's also possible to communicate with the gods that way. And hey, seeing the cards say the same thing you heard over the godphone is a wild feeling  ;D

I can't say you'll learn not to doubt, because in my experience I'd be a liar. However, I can say that as time goes on it'll be much easier to trust yourself and your intuition.

It's awesome you're forming such a positive relationship with Yinepu. I hope it continues to go well for you!

And I'm sorry for the essay and hope it didn't come off as talking too much about myself. When I was a baby pagan, a very helpful thing was hearing other people's experiences and realizing "hey, this is okay. People have felt and experienced very similar things. I'm not crazy. In fact, maybe I'm onto something great". Maybe you're different, but I figured I'd try to help the best way I know how :D

Thank you so much Cinder! Yes, this resonates with me quite a lot actually! I've actually not been a very spiritual person save for tarot cards, and like you, I had kind of been going through, not a difficult time, but I felt really slow and stagnant. Over the past few years, I've been getting a lot of Egyptian things out of nowhere, my aunt bought me a statue of Yinepu. I've got Egyptian wind chimes hanging over my bed from another friend, and some small things.

I've always liked Egyptian things, but it's never been like a huge focus for me. Last month though, I was struggling with some issues and before I went to bed, I asked for help. I've always just kind of trusted the universe, and so, having a sort of face to that power is really new.

Yinepu came to me in a dream and was basically like, "I've been here with you a super-long time, you're too hard on yourself, and I want to guide you." he told me what to do, and how he wanted things done. He asked me for offerings in the morning when I woke up, and offerings at night, and I've been doing that fairly faithfully. I totally felt really silly at first, though now it's become sort of second nature.

I have a couple of different methods for discernment right now, mainly a pendulum that I've dedicated to him that's from Karnak, and my cards. I've been using the Pendulum to discern if he's speaking to me or not, and sometimes he seems to speak to me through the tarot cards. The hardest thing to get used to for me, is the fact that he actually "speaks" to me at times.

My little altar is right next to my desk, and occasionally he likes to pop in and offer advice and get me to talk. Right now, he seems to just want me to express my feelings to him and he helps me work through them, since I'm a bit terrible at admitting how things make me feel. It's just not something I'm very used to, and it feels really alien and strange.

It's funny you mention asking for dreams though, because I ask Yinepu for signs of his presence when I'm feeling doubtful, and so far he's always delivered. As a matter of fact, a few days ago I was feeling doubtful of him, and I asked for a super obvious sign, and I wasn't sure I'd receive anything, but five minutes later I got the email of approval for this forum, and I took it as my sign.

And please don't worry about the essay or anything! It makes me feel much less alone to read other people's experiences and really helps. Everyone's comments on this post are incredibly helpful and really make me feel at home, like I'm not just losing my mind or something.  :P

Offline Pairysenu

  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Re: New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt
« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2017, 03:56:02 pm »
Hey Lillium!

Welcome to the community, hope you find many connections and resources here! =)

Here's a thought that I sometimes find helpful: While I believe They are real, even if I am making everything up in my head, They have still helped me. My life is better for having Netjer in it, and whether my experience of Them is my brain being squiggly or not, the benefit of believing in and interacting with Netjer remains. While that doesn't necessarily help determine whether everything's 'real' or not, it sometimes comforts me in the sense that even if I'm making everything up (which I severely doubt), my belief helps me and improves my quality of life. So no matter what is 'real,' Netjer is still Good for me and my life.

If that makes sense? It's a little rambley and circular, aha.

Discernment is a hard task, and it works a little differently for everyone. I agree with Cinder that asking for signs is a good way to help reassure yourself about your discernment, as is repetition of things that seem to be signs. Getting that email sounds like a sign to me, most certainly (I know I've gotten signs like that before).

I hope you continue to deepen your relationship with Yinepu, it seems like He's really trying to be their for you (and you for Him), and that at least some of what I say is helpful, aha.

~Zander


 
𓅮
"The One Who Acts For Two"
Sa Sekhmet-Hethert her Set her (Hekatawy Alexandros)|
Mery Heru-wer, Sobek, her Min

Re: New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt
« Reply #8 on: August 18, 2017, 08:08:52 pm »
Hey Lillium!

Welcome to the community, hope you find many connections and resources here! =)

Here's a thought that I sometimes find helpful: While I believe They are real, even if I am making everything up in my head, They have still helped me. My life is better for having Netjer in it, and whether my experience of Them is my brain being squiggly or not, the benefit of believing in and interacting with Netjer remains. While that doesn't necessarily help determine whether everything's 'real' or not, it sometimes comforts me in the sense that even if I'm making everything up (which I severely doubt), my belief helps me and improves my quality of life. So no matter what is 'real,' Netjer is still Good for me and my life.

If that makes sense? It's a little rambley and circular, aha.

Discernment is a hard task, and it works a little differently for everyone. I agree with Cinder that asking for signs is a good way to help reassure yourself about your discernment, as is repetition of things that seem to be signs. Getting that email sounds like a sign to me, most certainly (I know I've gotten signs like that before).

I hope you continue to deepen your relationship with Yinepu, it seems like He's really trying to be their for you (and you for Him), and that at least some of what I say is helpful, aha.

~Zander


 

Hello Zander, it's super nice to meet you!

What you're saying makes a lot of sense, and really is a good way for me to look at it! Regardless of if it's real or not, it has been bringing me much enjoyment and peace.

Yes, I agree with you about the email being a sign too, it just felt way too uncanny for it not to be a sort of sign, and I'm very glad to have joined this forum! It's such a learning experience and it's been really helpful to not feel so by myself in these experiences!

I think Yinepu is trying to guide me towards something, and I'm doing my best to work with him at present. :)

Offline Senytmenu

  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Re: New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt
« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2017, 10:51:12 am »
Hotep, Lillium!

The following article entitled "Am I Hearing a God or Am I Going Crazy?" addresses a lot of concerns that newcomers to gnostic revelations have.  Although it's not written from a Kemetic perspective, it contains some good insights.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnbeckett/2017/08/hearing-god-going-crazy.html

My personal answer to this question is "A god will usually tell you something you don't want to hear."  ;)  Not always, of course, but if you seek Their help, They will confront you with work you need to do on your end.

Senebty!
Senytmenu (The Two Endure)
Sat Sekhmet & Wepwawet
Meryt Bast, Set & Aset
Heri-seshta Sekhmet

Re: New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2017, 03:00:24 pm »
Hotep, Lillium!

The following article entitled "Am I Hearing a God or Am I Going Crazy?" addresses a lot of concerns that newcomers to gnostic revelations have.  Although it's not written from a Kemetic perspective, it contains some good insights.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnbeckett/2017/08/hearing-god-going-crazy.html

My personal answer to this question is "A god will usually tell you something you don't want to hear."  ;)  Not always, of course, but if you seek Their help, They will confront you with work you need to do on your end.

Senebty!

Thank you very much for the article! It actually really helps in regards to giving me some context for this experience. I actually hadn't been going through anything major that would cause a sudden mental break, and had been quite happily going about my routine, being a full time student, etc.

Afterwards though, I kind of felt like, wow everything is the same, and also super different, all at once. It's been a weird experience thus far, but not a bad one.

I wouldn't say that Yinepu thus far has told me anything I don't want to hear, but I find myself surprised by his answers a lot, and he says things I'm not expecting.

I really appreciate the insight, thank you!

Offline Senytmenu

  • Shemsu-Ankh
  • Country: us
Re: New To Working with a Netjer, and Experiencing Doubt
« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2017, 11:23:06 am »
Quote
I wouldn't say that Yinepu thus far has told me anything I don't want to hear, but I find myself surprised by his answers a lot, and he says things I'm not expecting.

This is part of a true gnostic revelation in my book.  :)
Senytmenu (The Two Endure)
Sat Sekhmet & Wepwawet
Meryt Bast, Set & Aset
Heri-seshta Sekhmet

 


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