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I can’t communicate with the gods 2: electric boogaloo

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Omen:
You guys might remember months ago when I posted here about being unable to interact with the gods. Your guy’s advice was great, and I appreciate it. But nothing has changed.

Either the gods legitimately can’t hear me, or they don’t care. I’ve made more offerings, written things out of genuine gratitude for the one thing Ra did for me, asked if Thoth would mind me worshiping him, as he’s a god of writing and magic and I’m interested in both.

To no ones surprise I’ve gotten no response. I’m open to any sign, and nothing. That would be bearable if I wasn’t about to get evicted. Again.

I know, gods aren’t vending machines, but why would they ignore me?

Why should I bother putting in an effort when they don’t. I try and try, prayers, offerings, spells, and get absolutely nothing. I feel as if I’m trying to get my dad to pay attention to me but he ignores me. I’m not expecting riches to fall out of the sky but would a “we’re here for you while you go through this” be so hard? Ra’s interacted with me once before, I know he’s there and that he could do it again.

Literally, if they would even give me a “you’re not ready yet” it would be better than this.

To top it off, when I first started I got a coin, that was the first thing they ever did for me. Unfortunately I’ve lost it, which kind of has me convinced I’ve been abandoned.

Tjemsy:
Hello, friend. I am sorry to hear you are still experiencing this. Over here in camp Tjemsy, it's been radio silent for, like, two years, or something. Recently I have had some uptick in Loki activity (am also Lokean), but that has been in the last few days, and still nothing from Netjer except for vague energy tingles when saying "Kemetic Grace." And that is an improvement from the "not even vague energy tingles" that has been the longer bit of these two or however many years it's been. (I have a poor sense of time.)

So I feel you: this sucks. I have had all of the same thoughts you have. Am I not worthy of their attention? Why won't they X when they have done X before? Why not just say they're busy if they're busy, or I'm not ready if I'm not ready? Etc etc.

I still go through the motions. I am of the mind that they (probably) can hear me even if I can't hear them. I have a good friend I don't talk to much, because things get in the way. But I still regard them as my good friend, and when we do get in touch, it doesn't feel like we've lost any time. I try and think of fallow times like that. Just because I haven't heard from them doesn't mean we're not friends. It doesn't work for everyone, but it works for me. That isn't to say I don't have my moments where I'm just hurting from the lack of contact. I do. And they suck. But I'm basically running on The Power of Love, here, as silly as that sounds, and it carries me through.

I can go through the motions and take all this long-term silence because I love the absolute stuffing out of my gods. I talk to them because I like talking to them, even if I don't get a discernable answer. I give them things because I think they'd like them. Oftentimes this comes in the way of food, like I try something that I think is absolutely amazing and therefore they must try it or they're missing out, and we can't have that, can we. I don't know why I am this way. I (usually) haven't had any kind of Super Important Godly Event happen, and the few times that such has been a thing, it's usually just the one deity and not so much the other 8. And I'm about even on love for everyone, I'd say, even the ones I haven't really gotten strong responses from at all, like my Beloveds Bast & Wepwawet.

As such, I'm afraid I'm not going to be very helpful to people who are experiencing fallow times while being not me. I know that "You'll get through this! Hang in there! It'll get better!" all feels pretty ick when you're in the thick of it. So I hope I'm not making matters worse. :'D But I did want to say something.

Some reading on fallow times here:

https://thetwistedrope.wordpress.com/2012/06/19/when-the-well-runs-dry/

https://thetwistedrope.wordpress.com/2013/02/20/krt-fallow-time/

If you search Kemetic Round Table, a lot of people have written a lot of things on this topic. These are just the ones I personally remember.

Re: Thoth/Djehuty, have you considered seeking divination? Maybe that can shed some light on what's going on (or not), there.

Nesiwepwawet:

--- Quote from: Omen on January 18, 2020, 01:28:27 pm ---Either the gods legitimately can’t hear me, or they don’t care.

--- End quote ---

You and I, we have so much in common in this sentence right here. It's the statement I was screaming over and over again when I first joined the House back in 2001. I was screaming it before, during, and after my RPD, naming, Shemsu-hood, and I even went on to become a Shemsu-Ankh (a title I haven't reclaimed yet as I'm waiting on the appropriate time... everything in its time, that's what Wepwawet tells me so very often).

I felt like no one was listening... I even have chat transcripts from back then, of me pleading, practically and legitimately crying at times, that I could find no connection to the Names, to Netjer, to my newly-appointed Father, none of it. Not one shred.

I was devastated. And it became my sole, driving focus, all of the things I didn't have or couldn't achieve, where other people were left and right getting to those levels that I could not yet seem to attain. My best friend (no longer with the House now, and I haven't spoken to her in years sadly), my peers, everyone who went through Beginners class and Remetjhood and Shemsuhood with me from the beginning, they all went on to "get it", wholly and completely.

Where I was left in the dust. I didn't "get it". I didn't feel it, hear it, see it, smell it, think it, none of it. I felt... empty.

And that emptiness drove me for a lot of years -- to some pretty bad places I'm sad to say over the years.

So, if I'm here preaching all of this as a Shemsu to you, that means I must have the answer for you, right? That's why I'm here?

It's not. I want to cry out and scream into the atmosphere as loud as I can to represent how devastated I am for you that I do not have the answer. And I don't lie, and I don't exaggerate, I am sitting here in tears for the both of us. Because I wish I had have had the answers 20 years ago, and I wish I had the answers now. And I still don't.

So what can I say...


* I can say that Netjer has not abandoned you, even if it feels the opposite.
* I can say the Gods are listening, even if they may seem deaf or mute.
* I can say that you are part of our family, and family does not abandon or leave you.
* I can say that where the void is, the emptiness, that there is an answer (even if I or anyone else doesn't have it for you)
* I can say there is a light where there is darkness.
* I can pray for you but, more than that, I can invite you to connect more with your family (us) so that we can help you in whatever way that we can, more than just prayers, but actions and conversation, whatever we can do to help.
* I can say that "it gets better", even if it might not seem like it right now.
* I can ask: What do you need right now more than anything, that at least us as your family can provide?How can we help you right now, Omen? Is there anything we can do?

For example, do you want to join the Official House of Netjer discord (it's primarily text chat), to have a greater access to our daily community? There are so many active people there who I'm sure would love to chat with you. It has helped me feel closer to this community, learn new things about myself AND Netjer / the Names, and I'm sure we could have someone send you an invite!

~ Nesi

Omen:

--- Quote from: Nesiwepwawet on January 18, 2020, 08:06:52 pm ---
   
* I can pray for you but, more than that, I can invite you to connect more with your family (us) so that we can help you in whatever way that we can, more than just prayers, but actions and conversation, whatever we can do to help.
* I can say that "it gets better", even if it might not seem like it right now.
* I can ask: What do you need right now more than anything, that at least us as your family can provide?How can we help you right now, Omen? Is there anything we can do?

For example, do you want to join the Official House of Netjer discord (it's primarily text chat), to have a greater access to our daily community? There are so many active people there who I'm sure would love to chat with you. It has helped me feel closer to this community, learn new things about myself AND Netjer / the Names, and I'm sure we could have someone send you an invite!

~ Nesi

--- End quote ---

I don’t know. I need a hug, and someone to remind me that killing myself isn’t the answer.

Maybe community would help. Maybe it’d just make it worse as I get to see people interact with their gods in minor ways while I’m probably going to lose my apartment and my cats and I cry for just a little bit of help or communication and I receive nothing.

All I want is their love and affection but why should I even bother doing anything for them. No healthy relationship strings someone along hoping for scraps.

Nesiwepwawet:

--- Quote from: Omen on January 18, 2020, 09:02:41 pm ---I don’t know. I need a hug, and someone to remind me that killing myself isn’t the answer.

Maybe community would help. Maybe it’d just make it worse as I get to see people interact with their gods in minor ways while I’m probably going to lose my apartment and my cats and I cry for just a little bit of help or communication and I receive nothing.

All I want is their love and affection but why should I even bother doing anything for them. No healthy relationship strings someone along hoping for scraps.

--- End quote ---


So many hugs for you! I wish I could do more than virtual.


It's absolutely not the answer, may Wepwawet Open the way for you to show you this is just not the answer. You don't have a strong connection to Netjer or to any of the Names, but I do, and I can tell you He wants to guide you away from that as any kind of "option". He does not have to be your Parent or even a Name you later follow but I can strongly say He wants to guide you away from that, He cares that you live your life, even if the path becomes difficult -- including really, really, really difficult.


You have SO much going on, and it helps to be able to rely on your community. I will have an administrator contact you about an invite to the server, you can decide if you'd like to join, you can join and stay, join and then leave, or you can join and just observe and never say a word. Completely up to you.

All the hardships you are going through right now, they can cloud your mind and thoughts, and it can make what was hard to begin with (a relationship with God(s)) even more difficult than it already was. And like I said, I've been there. I've been homeless, I've been abused, I've been depressed, I've been suicidal. I know it in a deep way even though of course our experiences will still be completely different. It's nearly impossible through all of these immediate physical-life hardships to hear some voice or presence of impression from Something Else entirely.


But I can tell you, Netjer has not abandoned you. We have not abandoned you, either.


~ Nesi

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